I'm screwed...what am I gonna do?
Jul 18, 2007
I can sum up this rant in two words: "I'm screwed." Here's the story.
I have always been in love with medicine, the human body and how we work. My dream has always been to become a doctor (recently took my MCATs and did well!). There's only one problem...I know I have a problem with HIV anxiety...its horrible, I know. It's affecting how I think and im starting to doubt myself. For example...I recently had an encounter (was kind of drunk) with a girl in which we dry humped (my pants and boxers were on the whole time), I fingered her through her underwear and I sucked on her breasts. Now I know the risk in this is basically zero, but now im starting to wonder "what if....What if i took my pants and boxer off and dont remember...what if she took her underwear off? What if i dont remember unprotected sex?" I even called this girl (we know each other) and asked her and shes 100% sure i didnt even unzip! but im still doubting myself. I've gone over the night millions of times and have to constantly reassure myself that i was dressed the whole time. I even woke up dressed! But then I ask "What if we had unprotected sex and then i dressed back up afterwards and fell asleep?" THIS IS DRIVING ME CRAZY. I know...i seem like a nut job now and dont know how anyone would ever want me as their doctor :(
I'm so scared of this damn virus and have asked myself countless time How the hell im going to be a doctor. I hate this Dr. Bob, My life's dream has always been to help people and follow medicine, and I have the grades and scores to get into med school, but how the hell am i going to do it with this fear? Reading up on HIV cases in health professions is not helping me...i just read that 99% of surgical residents say they have been stuck with a needle in their first 5 years of practice...i dont know if i can deal with that. UGH! I need to get over this now! I dont want this stupid anxiety get in the way of my dream, but it's slowly taking over. Have you ever heard a case like mine? Is this uncommon amongst med students?
Help me Dr. Bob, you are a role model of mine and the help you provide thousands of people to will surely make its way back to you.
Response from Dr. Frascino
If you don't even know if you took your pants off, if you took your boxers off, if she took her underwear off, if you had unprotected sex, etc., how the hell can you say "I'm screwed" with such certainty???? With your recollection of events, not only were you not screwed, you may not have even gotten to second base.
I totally agree with you that if you desire a career in medicine that involves patient care you "need to get over this now!" There is no question that your fears are irrational. I suggest you consult a psychiatrist. Ultimately medicine may not be a wise career choice for you anymore than mountain climber would be a good choice for someone with fear of heights or the presidency for someone with an I.Q. similar to Dubya's.
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