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Need to move on...

May 16, 2007

Doctor Bob:

First and foremost, the work you do on this site is so very much appreciated. Thank you for all you do. I've donated to your charity at the end of every year (tax deductable!) for the past three years.

Onto my question... I made a huge mistake. I am a married man who got drunk and deep kissed (30 minutes) and mutually masturbated with a gay male. Nothing else happened, but like all other stories on this site, here is the twist... I have a bad cracked lip from a cold sore. It might have been bleeding. I don't know.

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE evaluate my risk. Do I need testing?

Since I am a reader of this site, I took the advice you give all married men who have done such acts and I leveled with my wife already. Thank you. It was the right thing to do.

Now if you can respond, I can move on.


Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello Dave,

Generally speaking, if your lip was cracked and bleeding, you probably would have noticed, but since you had perhaps one too many martinis, perhaps you were indeed "feeling no pain." Nonetheless, even with a cold sore and cracked lip, your HIV risk would still be considered negligible, unless, of course, your buddy was HIV positive, also had cracked bleeding lips and some of his blood found its way into your open wound. Needless to say, the chances of this happening, even with your 30-minute episode of tonsil hockey, are remote at best.

I'm glad you leveled with your wife. Practically no one accepts that piece of advice. But those who do are uniformly glad they did. Those who don't continue to feel guilty and their anxiety continues to increase.

Regarding your worries, I would suggest the best and most efficient way to put your fears permanently to rest is to get a single HIV rapid test at the three-month mark. It will undoubtedly be negative. But this piece of definitive proof may help both you and your wife put this behind you and "move on" with confidence.

Thanks for your donations! In return I'm sending you my very best good-luck/good-health karma that your definitive three-month HIV test is indeed negative, as I strongly suspect it will be! From your past generosity and kindness, I'm confident you've stored up a considerable amount of excellent cosmic karma.

Be well. Stay well.

Dr. Bob

you just answered my question
Organ Transplant-Immunosuppressed-WB Inconclusive

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