26 year old virgin no longer!
May 6, 2007
Hello Dr Bob,
I'm a healthy robust althletic twenty six year old bisexual male who has in the past only had sexual intercourse with women, most every time with a rubber, and when not protected I had been deeply involved in a strict monogamous relationship. I've also never had any issues with STDs before in my life.
I'm 100% clean and would like to remain so.
When I first began to explore my attraction to guys I made the conscious decision to abstain from homosexual sex until I found the perfect guy (I know, I know, I'm a dreamy-eyed idealist, so shoot me already) but as I never and am yet to find him, I'm still to this date a gay virgin, and I'm super cool with that actually.
The problem is that sleeping with girls isn't really cutting it for me anymore. Well it is, but I'd like to sow new oats, too. It used to be that I used women for sheer sexual release and I looked for guys for deeper emotional involvement. I've previously had two boyfriends in the past but those relationships remained purely platonic and unconsumated because they were more based on emotional exploration than the carnal.
Now that I've just turned 26 I'm growing increasingly impatient as I really feel better able to pursue a casual sexual relationship with a man than I was when I first realised I was bisexual and vowed to save myself for Mt. Right.Universe at 21. Mentally and emotionally I see myself capable of as they say, "Having my cake and eating too." Before, I had a lot of moral and ethicals objections to such behavior and even sneered at others who partook in in, but I'm older and more mature now and as silly and erroneous as it may sound to some, I feel I can justify my FINALLY exploring my sexual desires with men.
I'm confident that I will find my knight in shining Armani one day, and as much as I would love to remain a virgin for him, I don't think I can anymore and I'd hope that he would understand. So this is why I'm about to embark on a Summer of sexual exploration and I need some honest, no-bullshit advice.
Is it feasible to "experiment" with two different men and remain free of HIV infection. I anticipate on using condoms should the occasion call for them but I honestly don't think that I will be proferring my bottom up for any guy who isn't going to put a diamond on my finger. My experimentation will only entail minor acts like kissing, oral copulation, and quite possibly annilingus. Actual anal penetration shall remain off limits, at least my butt won't be getting poked but I'm not above doing the poking myself. In fact I'd definitely enjoy being the top should the opportunity come up.
I guess I'm asking to be reassured about this new behavior which I'm about to embark on. I have offers from two VERY ATTRACTIVE older men who I've been assured are clean, but because I'm not exactly going to be pursuing monogamous behavior, I understand that I'm at a higher risk of danger because I'm going to be messing around with more than one guy.
Am I just overthinking this, or will a condom do a good job at keeping the bugs astray?
Oh, please ease my mind a bit.
Response from Dr. Frascino
A dreamy-eyed idealist? No, I wouldn't call you that.
You "used women for sheer sexual release" while you "looked for guys for deeper emotional involvement," vowing to save yourself for Mr. Right???? Tell me again about your "moral and ethical objections" . . . . Oh never mind. You appear to be worried about STDs. You do realize that STD stands for sexually transmitted diseases and that these conditions are not limited exclusively to gay sex, don't you? One wonders why you can cavalierly "use women for sheer sexual release" (sometime unprotected) and apparently not be concerned about STDs, but need "honest, no-bullshit advice" when it comes to man-on-man action. Dude, the same rules apply. HIV cannot permeate a latex (or polyurethane) condom. No way. No how. If you use it properly and it doesn't fail, your HIV risk will be essentially nonexistent. This applies whether your partner is man, woman, tranny, bi-curious or even Republican-Mormon. STD risk for other STDs also remains exactly the same whether you are doing Mr. Right or Miss Right-now. Take oral sex, for instance. There are different levels of risk, depending on the STD and type of oral sex but not on who you are licking or sucking. Rimming can transmit hepatitis A, intestinal parasites and herpes. Oral sex can transmit gonorrhea, chlamydia and NGU (nongonococcal urethritis). Genital warts can be spread through skin-to-skin contact or contact with warts. The take-home lesson here is that none of these conditions are gender specific. So to answer your final question: yes, condoms when used effectively can keep many bugs away however you certainly can't be accused of "over thinking" this issue. In fact, I encourage you to re-think the entire topic more rationally! Risk is risk whether it pees standing up or sitting down!
Stay safe and you'll stay well,
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