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Tormented ..Please help

May 5, 2007

Hi Doc.

This is a very difficult question for me write and confess. (please dont mind my English. it is my second language)

Thank you for helping so many tormented people out. Here is my situation. I am a married man with two wonderful young kids. I had an encounter with another married man. There was no oral sex, kissing or anal sex involved. Some body contact (rubbing, him ejaculating on my body ). After the encounter my ordeal began. A day before the encounter I had suffered a cut while trimming hair on my testicles and also had a deep cut on my nose by a falling can from a kitchen cabinet. I started worrying about the possibility of getting infected by his cum wet penis getting in contacts with my cuts. I became paranoid after taking a shower next morning when my nose wound started to bleed again.

I found your website which gave me a lot of hope. But I constantly struggled with the fear of WHAT Ifs . It got worse and worse as I have a history of anxiety, depression and psychosomatic disorder. I could not go to see our family doctor because of obvious reasons. My family life became a wreck because of sexual abstinence and paying no attentions to the kids. Finally I could barely function and I knew I had to take a test but did not have the courage to do it. Went to the community clinic and came back without getting tested because I felt so embarrassed inside. Then one day driving back from work I went through the drive thru window of a pharmacy wearing my dark shades and bought the home access kit. Did the blood collection in my car at a deserted parking lot. To make it short at 16 weeks my blood test came back negative. It was a relief but was short lived..

At 19 weeks I have diarrhea and other symptoms that are getting me worried again. As a part of my cognitive therapy for psychosomatic disorder and anxiety the thing that works for me is to seek the advice of an expert in my ISSUE field and just live with it. No ifs and buts. You are an expert in this field so I am seeking your advice. Do I have anything to worry about? Are my test results conclusive? Should I put all this behind me and continue on with my normal family life? Thanks in advance for your help. I know I have a lot of guilt to overcome too.


Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello Tormented,

Your problem is "anxiety, depression and psychosomatic disorder" complicated by guilt associated with your extramarital affair with another man, not HIV!

Your HIV risk is essentially nonexistent. Your symptoms are not worrisome for HIV. Your 16-week negative HIV test is definitive and conclusive. HIV is not your problem. No way. No how.

I'm glad you are involved with cognitive therapy to address your psychosomatic disorder and anxiety. I would also suggest you seek help form a qualified psychiatrist to help you confront issues of guilt and sexual identity. I also strongly urge you to level with your wife. It's the right thing to do.

Good luck.

Dr. Bob

I know what you usually say about symptoms but.....
I was taught abstinence only along w/all my friends!

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