How do I do this???
Apr 27, 2007
Dear Dr. Bob, I read your forum frequently. Each time I log off with a smile and hope. But, as I am currently waiting my results I am hard pressed to find a smile. Throught all my reading, i know that HIV is not the death sentence it once was...what has me so paralyzed is hurting others...telling others...and facing living my life alone. I was unfaithful to my spouse...and didn't give HIV much of a thought until it was too late. I was with a partner of unknown status, but I think you should probably assume they are positive (I guess you are supposed to assume this BEFORE also, huh?) I have already been honest with my spouse..and hopefull we can get through the infidelity, but I don't know we will survive a diagnosis. And, then there is telling my family. And, the feeling that no one will ever want to be with me (not necessarily sexually...that is the farthest thing from my mind - but at all...like who will hug me when I'm sad and scared?) How do I do this? I have another five days or so to wait for the results, and I am in a fog. I can't focus and all I keep thinking is "enjoy today, it could be your last not knowing" however, I'm not enjoying. I am so scared...more than anything scared of being alone. I know you can't answer this rambling question, but I just needed to somehow express what is scaring me right now. Thanks for taking the time to read this.
Response from Dr. Frascino
Who will hug you when you're sad or scared? I will, for one.
Your worries about how to tell your family and what life will be like if you test positive are premature. Why focus on such things now? The odds remain all in your favor that you did not contract HIV from this lapse in judgment. It's unfortunate that you have to wait so long for your HIV test result. A rapid test provides an accurate result in as few as 20 minutes! I am glad you leveled with your spouse and I'm confident you will indeed work through this problem together. Strong relationships are built on trust and honesty. Working through challenging times together strengthens the bonds of successful unions.
I'm sending you my very best good-luck/good-health karma that your HIV test is negative. But no matter what the result, please know I'm here if you need me, OK? We'll get through this together, one step at a time.
Good luck. Be well. (And that's a doctor's order!)
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