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Can you give me your thoughts - entering a Mag Relationship and falling in love

Apr 27, 2007

Hello Dr. Bob,

Thanks for all you do. I don't think you get thanked enough.

I am a gay hiv negative male about to start a relationship with a positive partner. I am scared of HIV and want to know what I can do to reduce my risks to close to zero, if possible.

I am versatile and very oral. We have had anal sex, always with condoms (latex) and water-based lube. We haven't had a condom break yet, thankfully. We also have had oral sex without condoms, precum yes, no full ejaculate. We have also rimmed, which I know is close to zero risk. I have asked his doctor for a pep prescription just in case of a condom break.

I hear so much conflicting info on oral sex. It's so scary. From precum containing the virus and tiny cuts in your Andrew Sullivan getting the virus from precum and on and on.

I am very nervous everytime we have sex. VERY. As he is. I have given him oral many times - and I am sure I was exposed to his precum. This has freaked me out, yet I can't seem to get used to the latex taste. Should I be freaking out? Based on what I have told you, do you think I should be worried? What other things can I do to reduce my risk?

I guess I am nervous about HIV and sex with him. I am falling in love with him. I just don't want to expose myself to this virus.

I know you have toe curling sex with steve...but do you both worry everytime you sex?

I thank you for your time.

Response from Dr. Frascino


Sex, even magnetic sex, is supposed to be hot and satisfying, not scary and anxiety provoking!

I would suggest you and your stud puppy take a careful read through the archives pertaining to magnetic couples, HIV transmission, oral sex, HIV prevention and safer sexual practices. Once you both have a thorough understanding of the HIV risk for various sexual activities, you need to have a heart-to-heart talk about what level of risk you both are willing to accept based on the scientific facts and on how comfortable each of you is with specific sexual activities and their level of risk. In essence, you need to decide on sexual rituals you both feel absolutely comfortable with and then stick to those boundaries. Some magnetic couples feel the risk associate with unprotected oral sex is so low that it is acceptable to them; others do not. Only you and your partner can decide what your comfort level is. We call this negotiated safety (or negotiated risk).

Yes, Steve (Dr. Steve, the expert in The Body's Tratamientos Forum) and I have a very satisfying sex life, but remember, we've been together for over 13 years and we both completely understand the risks involved in our "toe-curling-own-name-forgetting" sex. I mention this only because I want to emphasize it is indeed possible for a magnetic couple to have a great sex life without worrying excessively or unnecessarily, OK? Check out the archives. Remember communication is key.

Be well.

Dr. Bob

Serodiscordant Couple Research (CONDOMS)
SIX YEARS, and now a big WOOHOO

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