Carissimo Dr. Bob I am from Italy and my English is even worse than Dubya's. I kindly ask you to estimate the odds for me to be hiv infected. 2 years ago I had an uprotected sex with a girl of unknown status, plus she had rash on her face. I was sure I got hiv as I developed some symptoms such as sore throat. The hiv test, surprisingly came back negative twice 4,5 months and 2 years after the exposure. Last year I met a pretty girl and she moved with me. We never used condoms. She then moved to another town. The hiv test came back negative 3,5 months ater she left. Finaly and this was very stupid I had an oral unprotected sex 1 month ago. I took the test now after one month and it came back negative. I panic... What if I have got hiv... Please estimate the odds and please tell me if I need to be tested again at the 3 month mark. My modest donation 50 EUROS is on the way.

Thanks Dr. Bob

Hello,

You could be from the former planet Pluto and still your English would be better than Dubya's! The man is a blithering nincompoop and he becomes more blithering and more nincompoopish with each passing day and each new blunder and emerging scandal!

Your HIV risk is negligible at best. Your negative tests out to two years after your first experiences definitively eliminate the possibility of HIV from that liaison. Next, your negative HIV test 3.5 months after your second relationship also conclusively eliminates the possibility of contracting HIV from her. That leaves only your "oral unprotected sex" adventure one month ago. The risk of HIV transmission from oral sex is extremely low at best. Your negative HIV test one month after that episode is extremely encouraging, but not yet definitive. You would need a test at the three-month mark (from date of the encounter) to have a completely definitive and conclusive test result. However, as I mentioned above, your HIV risk from oral sex is extremely low. Consequently, I see absolutely no cause for concern, let alone panic. OK? Get your three-month test. The results will most likely be negative and you can then yell OPLA! (Italian for WOO-HOO, I think!)

Thank you for your donation. In return, I'll send my good-luck karma that your definitive three-month HIV test will be negative, as I very strongly suspect it will indeed be!

Remember to use latex condoms in the future to avoid ever having to go through this period of worry and uncertainty again, OK?

Buona fortuna.

Dr. Bob