Hello Doctor Bob, Can you PLEASE help a fellow Italian out? My boyfriend dumped me, I will try to make a donation soon.
Apr 3, 2007
Dear Doctor Bob,
I am sitting hear with tears streaming down my face. I am very scared that I may be infected. I was in a great relationship, well one I thought was great. He dumped me 6 months ago for a 20 year old twink. I have always been careful sexually, ALWAYS condoms for anal sex even in this LTR. Well, being down, I have had a few sexual partners in the past months, mainly out of being sad and lonely. I have performed oral sex on a number of guys (7) not with ejaculation and have had anal sex always protected, with all of them. I also rimmed them. I am so exhausted, have stopped working out, feel like I am in a total brain fog, can barely function at work, have had lymph nodes on my neck that are the size of a pea (just one) and on and on. I am scared doctor. As I have found out two of the guys I had sex with (on more than one occasion) are HIV positive. My questions are:
1. Since I have always had protected anal sex, as a top, should I be ok here? I put the condom on before going in, used a Trogan, and pulled out and every time checked the condom with water to see if it broke. My only concern is if I took the condom off the right way.
2. I know oral sex is minimal risk, but what if these guys that were positive had a high viral load? That would increase a minimal risk woudn't it? I don't allow guys to cum in my mouth, but I DID taste precum. Is my risk still minimal?
3. Rimming is supposed to be very low risk, but how low is low?
4. Do you think my chance are good that I am negative?
I have read so many stories online about guys getting HIV from oral sex, or that have always played safe and now they have the virus and don't know how. This scares me.
I am going to get the courage to get tested, but I would like to see a doctor first for this anxiety and depression treated. So I can cope better. I think about HIV 24 hours a day, I wake up feeling like I never slept. My body aches...you know the story.
I will try and make a donation when I get my taxes back - hopefully by then I will be smiling more and the old great person I was.
Anything you can give me: inspiration, calming words, or your amazing advice would so appreciated.
Sadly, and still in tears.
Josh in Southern Calif.
Response from Dr. Frascino
Hi Josh in Southern Calif.,
An Italian named Josh??? Hmmm . . . exactly which part of Italy do you hail from, Josh? Or perhaps Josh is just short for Josheroni???
Sorry to hear you got dumped and are now down in the dumps (so to speak). I'm fairly certain you'll soon be rebounding and realizing that who you thought was Mr. Right really wasn't. Chances are ultimately he'll be singing "The One that Got Away Blues" when his infatuation with the twink fades. Remember Twinkies, Hostess or otherwise, may taste good initially, but in reality they're just junk food and not very satisfying for a regular or healthy diet! Right?!?!
So on to your questions:
1. The key here is "protected." If the latex condom was used properly and did not fail, your HIV risk would be essentially nonexistent. Taking condoms off is not a problem!
2. Yes, this risk remains minimal at best.
3. Twenty-six years into the epidemic there are still no documented cases of HIV transmission from rimming or getting rimmed. That's how low!
4. Yes, I'd rate your chances as excellent!
5. "Online stories" are just that "online stories!" I've read "online stories" that claim condoms have holes in them that allow HIV to swim right through and that George "Dubya" is an excellent president with a brilliant mind. Obviously those things aren't true either. There was a recent study of 198 gay or bisexual men in San Francisco who said they only had oral sex for a year. Thirty-nine of those performed oral sex on HIV-positive partners. Thirty-five of those did not use a condom and 16 reported swallowing. No one became HIV positive during the study. Because the number of participants in the study is relatively small, we cannot say absolutely that oral sex carries zero risk, but the study certainly supports our current understanding that the risk is extremely small at best.
So Josheroni, it's time to dry those tears, realize your HIV risk is essentially negligible and get tested. Your negative result will help chase those blues away with a resounding WOO-HOO! You also need to get back to the gym to clear that brain fog and improve your sleep cycle.
Yes, see your doctor and/or a counselor to help with your anxiety and depression if needed. But most importantly, dry those crocodile tears and fix that frowny-face. It's time for the Italian Stallion to reemerge!
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