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Positive Woman / Negative Man want to have a baby

Mar 19, 2007

I see tons out here about positive males w/ negative females who want to have natural children. Most of the time the answers refer them to sperm washing for least risk results. What if the female is the one positive and the male is negative?

My husband is HIV negative. I have been positive for 14 years now. My viral load is undetectable and my CD4 is good. We desparately want to have children and I really want to be pregnant with his child. What can we do to make this happen? What are the chances of the new born being HIV+? Am I just being selfish wanting to "have" a baby instead of adopting? We just love each other so much and I admire him for staying with me through all of this. (I did not find out I was positive until about 4 years ago. I contracted the disease from my ex-husband whom I first slept with 14 years ago. I found out he knew he was HIV+ prior to us even dating and did not disclose this information to me. It was only after the divorce and upon entering my current relationship did I find out he was positive and I got checked at the request of my "new boyfriend".

The news was bad. My Viral load was well over the scale that only messured to 1000000 and my CD4 was less than 100. I immediately got a wonderful HIV specialist and began an extensive Medicine regimene. It has now been almost 5 years since we found out and my viral load has been undetectable now for over 1 year. It took a little longer for my CD4 to rise above 500, but we did it!

And through it all my awesome now-husband has stayed by my side and supported me tremendously. We have only had protected sex (I mean REALLY protected. He wears 2 condoms each time and we actually never even open mouth kiss) and I NEVER want to put him at risk. But now that I'm not "going to die tomorrow" :-) We really would like to start to have children. I would like to know if there is a way to give this "gift" to him as a "thank you" for all he has done and risked to stay with me. Not many men would have done the same.

Please help us realize our dream of children, while giving us insight of the risks I would be exposing my baby and partner to. We do not have much money so IVF is probably not an option right now. I'm even willing to try the often referred to "turkey baster" if it would really work! :-)

Response from Dr. Frascino


First off, I should mention I don't recommend using two condoms. The friction of latex on latex can cause the condoms to break. (See post from the archives below.) Next, open-mouth kissing is not considered to be a significant HIV risk. But, the choice to partake or not is totally up to the two of you.

The only truly safe way for a HIV positive woman/negative man magnetic couple to conceive is via in vitro fertilization. I suggest you talk to an HIV-knowledgeable obstetrician. The costs may not be as prohibitive as you fear.

Regarding risk to your unborn child should you conceive, this can be greatly minimized by working closely with your HIV specialist and an HIV-knowledgeable obstetrician. Keeping your plasma viral load undetectable is key. They may also consider a caesarian section for delivery.

Good luck.

Dr. Bob

Double condoms to prevent HIV Aug 29, 2005

Dear Robert, I travel lot for asian countries like thailand etc.When I have sex with Bar girls there I always use double comdoms(ie one on other) as precaution ,so what is my chance of getting HIV.For information my condoms never brokened nor I had oral sex with them.

Response from Dr. Frascino


There are no scientific studies showing "double bagging" is safer than properly using a single latex condom. In fact, there is some information suggesting that double bagging causes friction of latex on latex, which may compromise the integrity of the condoms and increase the likelihood of breakage! Besides, it's hard enough to get one layer of latex on and used properly. By the time you double wrap, your partner could be out of the mood or asleep. Plus, Mr. Happy will probably not feel all that happy. He might not "feel" much at all! And if two layers were safer, then what about three or four or a dozen? Pretty soon it's going to be like sleeping with the Michelin Tire Man.

Dr. Bob

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man u r amazing
wish i had ur arm around my neck as i tell u this

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