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Very Worried Wife
Mar 7, 2007

Mr. Frascino,

I never thought I would be reading a website like yours, but I do enjoy your sense of humor.

After reading your website, my husband informed me of an encounter he had with another man after reading some of your posts urging a man to tell his wife. I am very concerned about HIV and other STD's as we have had sex since then.

My husband assured me that he was not at risk as he had oral giving/receiving with no ejaculation and it didnt last very long. He also shocked me by stating he had protected receptive anal sex and that the condom didnt break (he saw it at the end and it was completely intact) and the man did not ejaculate. He also got tested for STDs 10 days after the encounter and was negative.

Is it possible that precum could get through a small hole in the condom? Would he even know if the condom had a small break? Is it true oral is virtually non-existent risk? I read some example on another website about seradiscordant couples not ever contracting HIV with protected sex but not for oral. Although this has been difficult, I am trying to understand his curiousity and taking measures (purchased a strap on) to make sure he can get the experience he desires. I am also insist he seek counseling to figure out what his deal is. He seems to love having sex with me, but now I just dont know.

Please help me as I am really getting freaked out by this whole thing. He said he didnt need to test because it was safe, but will test anyway for me. Do you think he needs to test from a clinical viewpoint? I know he needs to test for my state of mind.

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello Very Worried Wife,

Thanks for writing in. Lots of guys have had experiences like your husband's and are absolutely petrified to level with their wives, because they are convinced their wives would leave them. You, on the other hand, decided to buy a strap-on! BRAVO! I also agree counseling should help in confronting any sexual orientation issues your husband may be having.

Regarding your concerns:

1. Precum cannot permeate intact latex. If the condom failed (broke), it would not be a subtle occurrence. Remember, this is very thin plastic stretched over a throbbing one-eyed monster. If the latex tears, it rips very dramatically and Mr. Happy sticks his head out just like your hubby's head sticking out of a turtleneck sweater!

2. Oral sex carries a very low risk for HIV transmission.

Since you are concerned, why not use condoms with your husband, at least until he gets an HIV test at least three months from his last potential exposure.

Good luck to you both.

Dr. Bob



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