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Very concerned,please doctor
Feb 25, 2007

Hello doctors, first of all I want to apologize for my writing mistakes because I'm a Spanish woman. I cannot think about anything but HIV. Last summer (July) I had unprotected vaginal sex with a man who I don't trust at all. He is much older than me (I was 19 by that time and he was 41, although he lied to me about his age and I thought he was much younger), he says that he is very promiscuous and that he has only used twice a condom in all his life. We had sex 4 times, more or less. He never ejaculated inside of me (or so I think, unless he made it surreptitiously). I suppose this can lower the odds of infection, but I don't know if much. One month later after having sex with him I was worried too about the fact of having got pregnant. I had a period delay of 10 or 15 days. I made two pregnancy tests and the latest showed I was pregnant. I had symptoms too. I know that if I'm very obsessed I can have the symptoms without in fact being pregnant. However, I had my period a week later. I think I got pregnant but the pregnancy didn't go on. Therefore, I think that if the pre-ejaculate fluid was enough to get pregnant, it was enough too to infect me of HIV. Another reason for which I'm worried is that one month later or so after having sex with him I had a severe pharyingitis. Never before have I had a pharyngitis like that. I think it was due to primary HIV infection. I didn't have any other symptoms like fever or rash nevertheless. Is it possible to have just one symptom, as pharyngitis? Anyway I know that only half of the people that get infected of HIV have primary HIV infection. I'm going to have a ELISA test, but I'm almost sure that I have HIV and I can't stop thinking that, in case I'm lucky, I will live 20 years more, which means that by the age of 40 I will be dying. Treatments are relatively recent, then I don't believe people when they say that now HIV can be a cronic disease, because they just can't know if the treatments will be forever effective. They can't know that because they have been using the medicaments only for 20 years, at most. I think that if I have got infected at 19, I will probably have to start treatment when I'm 25, then I think it's impossible that I live until 80 or so. AIDS will develop sooner or later, but later means 45 or 50, being very optimistic. So I think I'm sentenced. I know we all have to die, but it's not the same knowing that you can't live more than 30 years than to know that maybe you can live 60 more years. Last week I was so desperate that I talk to him (we haven't talked since a long time, because I didn't want to know anything about him, because he has proved me to be a very bad person, that's the reason I'm more worried, I think he has infected me on purpose). I said to him "thank you for infecting me", I lied to him and I told him that my results had showed that I'm HIV positive. I told him I was going to report him (only to see how he reacted). He told me that I was crazy and denied having had sex with me. I think that if he denies that, is because he knows he has HIV, and I can't prove I had sex with him and that he has infected me on purpose. Another reason for which I'm worried is because I think that by that time I had HPV (human papiloma virus). I had a kind of mole in my vaginal lip, I think it has been there for about a year. I didn't know what it was and I didn't worried too much, but later I read about HPV and I read that if you have HPV you have more possibilities of getting infected of HIV if you are exposed to it. On the other hand, his movements when he penetrated me were abrupt, I think he did that in order to provoke small wounds in my vagina and infect me. I don't know if he was in treatment or not, I hope he is because in this case he would have a lower viral charge and maybe that would reduce the probabilities of infection. What are the odds of getting infected only with the pre-ejaculate fluid? I noticed he had a lot of it, which worries me more. And when we had sex it was for 20 or 30 minutes, and we had sex 4 times, so I think this increased a lot the risk :( Do you think my pharyingitis was a symptom of primary HIV infection, despite I hadn't any other symptoms, except swollen glands, maybe? Am I right when I say that in case I'm infected I most probably will die by the age of 45 -50? I don't want false illusions. I hope you can answer me and tell me your opinion of my case. Thank you very much in advance and regards from Spain.

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello Spanish Woman,

You shouldn't be apologizing for your writing mistakes, but rather for your abominable behavior! You lied to your sex partner, telling him "thank you for infecting me" and that you were going to report him "only to see how he reacted???" I can understand why he told you that you are "crazy!"

Yes, I admit he shouldn't have lied to you about his age, but that's really not such a big deal. In fact I do not excuse any of his indiscretions; however, it was your personal decision to have unprotected sex with him (no matter what his age)! Why are you placing all the blame on your partner? It takes two to tango or do a commando mattress-mambo!!!

Your fears of someone deliberately trying to infect you, because "his movements when he penetrated me were abrupt and I think he did that to provoke small wounds in my vagina and infect me" are delusional! Your focus on an early death and lack of efficacy of HIV drugs also points out the depth of your psychopathology.

Yes, you need an HIV test due to your personal decision to have unsafe sex. You also need to:

1. See a psychiatrist to help get control of your anxiety and paranoia.

2. Apologize to your sex partner for your lies and unfounded accusations. Tell him the truth.

It's time you stated taking personal responsibility for your sexual indiscretions and reprehensible behavior.

Dr. Bob



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