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2nd time asking, please reply ,very worried!

Jan 7, 2007

Hi Dr. Bob. I write you again because I`m very worried about my situation.. I`m a mexican male married with 2 children. Lately, I`ve been very worried about the next story: 4 weeks ago, on a bussiness trip, I went to a strip club in Mexico city and got a Lap dance. I had a small kiss session with a girl, no deep, and fingered her vagina for some time(no sex). I don't know she is HIV positive but am curious of the risk level in this situation. Since then, I`ve been very stressed and worried about my wife (we have had only a few sessions of sex). I called to a mexican AIDS hotline and they told me this: "no penetration, no risk", is this true?. I have visited 2 o 3 doctors and they told me that my risk was zero. Inclusive a visited a psicologist to check my fear and he told me the same: zero risk. Do you think I have anything to worry about?. Do you recommend to take a test?. Can I continue with a normal life with my wife? Please reply. Thanx in advance.

Response from Dr. Frascino


So let me get this straight. You had a lap dance in Mexico that included "a small kiss session" and some finger play. Since then, you've been a stressed out nervous wreck worried about HIV. Consequently, you:

1. Called the Mexican AIDS hotline.

2. Visited three doctors.

3. Visited a "psicologist" (which I presume is something remotely related to a psychiatrist or psychologist).

All of the above told you "zero risk" and so you decided to write to me to see if you "have anything to worry about." Hmmm . . . yes, I do think you have something to worry about, but it's not HIV! You have severe irrational fears of being HIV infected and seem to be unwilling or unable to accept the advice from multiple very reliable sources that your HIV risk is nonexistent. Most likely your severe anxiety and unwarranted HIV fears stem from guilt over going to a strip club and handling the merchandise. I suggest you level with your wife, if you haven't already done so. It's not only the most effective way to confront your guilt; it's also the right thing to do.

I, like all the other experts you've already consulted, do not believe HIV testing is necessary. However, if you remain worried, get a single HIV test at the three-month mark as this may be the most efficient and effective way to put your irrational and totally unwarranted fears permanently to rest. If you do get tested, it will undoubtedly be negative. I also suggest you read the archives of this forum. You should find the testimonials there encouraging.

Dr. Bob

Faith and HIV
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