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Hand-to-genital, please advise....

Jan 7, 2007

Hi Dr. Bob:

As always and first and foremost, my year end contribution is in the mail to you. Thank you for all you do.

I am a gay male who recently came out to my wife after 20 years of marriage. Thankfully I am an advid reader of your forum and took the advice you have given other married men which consistently has been to tell your spouse the truth about other sexual experiences. In any event, I am out and feel good about it.

Onto my question... for the past 20 years I have only been involved in mutual masturbation due to being married. NEVER ANYTHING MORE; however there has been pre-cum/full ejaculate involved with several, several other men. Pre-cum/full ejaculate that has probably landed on my penis and more so, on my hand. Of course, this precum/ejacualte was probably on my hand when masturbating myself directly after finishing a guy off.

I have mutally masturbated with over 100 different men. What is your assessment of my risk? Do I need HIV testing? My only sexual partner has been my wife ie. intercourse.

Again, I have never done oral or anal just been involved in a ton of mutual masturbation sessions that were very heated (and very sticky!).

I do hope to hear from you.

Take care, Dr. Bob and thank you for giving me the confidence to come out and finally live my life.


Response from Dr. Frascino

Hi Greg,

Coming out after 20 years of marriage I'm sure was phenomenally challenging. However, I remain convinced it was the right thing to do. Living a lie is always a recipe for unhappiness. I commend your honesty in letting the truth finally set you free.

Regarding your sexual endeavors to date mutual masturbation with 100 guys, presumably not all at the same time (unless you were at that famous South of Market sex club in San Francisco on a Saturday night and then 100 would be an underestimate) even with pre-cum and spunk spouting and gushing here and there like the fountains in front of Bellagio in Vegas and landing here, there and everywhere, including your hands and even your joy stick, your HIV risk is nonexistent. If you're worried, you can get an HIV rapid test. Accurate results would be available in as few as 20 minutes. If you do get tested, it will unquestionably be negative. Now that you're out and have 20 years of catching up to do, I suggest you peruse the information on this site, its archives and at related links that pertains to HIV-prevention techniques, safer sexual practices and exactly how HIV is and is not transmitted. While you're doing that, I'll warn all the single guys you're "out" and on the prowl!

Stay safe. Stay well. Be happy.

Dr. Bob

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