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HIV, Online Sex and some comments
Jan 4, 2007

Hi Dr. Bob!

It's your old pal from the winter of 2005, Justin Case.

Anyways, I had a "whoopsie," and consequently, a possible exposure and found great hope and support through your forum. I'm happy to see others have, too.

I currently work for an adult website that gay males use to find some companionship for the evening. And who would have guessed that companionship can be construed as sex between two hormone-laden gay guys...

That being said, I'm shocked at how often I notice this dreadful exchange in chat rooms:

"Hey, dude, your profile says you're HIV negative."

-- Yup

"Cool, so if you're clean we don't need to use condoms! Let's frack!"

I'm sure you have many readers of your forum who may not actively be in a stage of their life where (possible) HIV exposure might currently be an issue that they're facing; so I wanted to take a moment and reiterate the oft-under stated obvious... HIV status, regardless of how it's disclosed (verbally, through email, through a profile) can't be trusted.

Okay. So, maybe it can be trusted if you had an HIV test performed on your prospective stud du jour 3-6 months ago and locked him in solitary confinement until this very day -- but that's a strange and unusual method of foreplay.

Kidding aside, with all the knowledge, protection and medical knowledge today, when universal precautions are taken, it shouldn't matter if your future beau is negative, positive or even a Republican... but don't base your risks on someone's word.

Okay, maybe I went a bit too far with the Repuglican part... but, you catch my drift.

So... I hope you are doing well, enjoyed your holiday, and can pass along a simple message to your readers: Regardless of what you read or hear about a guy (trick, date or otherwise), don't put yourself at risk without getting all the facts and details. And that doesn't involve a "No" or "No response" checkbox being ticked on a personals site.

Be well, fair Doctor Bob.

Sorry again for the Republican reference!

- Justin Case

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hey Justin,

Welcome back to the forum!

You work for a gay online hook-up Web site??? No really, that "Dr. Strangelove" is not me and even if it was, I was only doing research on Mark Foley and Ted Haggard and oh . . . that's not your question. As Emily Litella on SNL used to say, "Never mind."

I liked your "repuglican" comment. After all, with the seemingly endless supply of closeted homophobic gay Republican being dragged out of their closets kicking and screaming, it appears that GOP may now stand for Gay Old Party. So I wouldn't be at all surprised to find many "Repuglicans" on your site. And we all know how truthful and trustworthy "Repuglicans" as a group have proven to be over recent years. Consequently, your comments about not trusting what an Internet profile might list about HIV status (or penis size, I might add) are indeed appropriate. I should also point out 25% of the over 1,000,000 HIV-positive Americans do not even know they've acquired the virus. Scary, eh?

Finally, as with so many topics, I've actually addressed the issue you raise previously in this forum! I'll repost a question from the archives "just in case" our readers may have missed it.

Be well! And "justin case," if you happen to see a Dr. McSteamy-McCreamy on your site, it's not me! OK?

Happy New Year.

Dr. Bob

HIV neg UB2 ! Apr 28, 2006

Whenever I see this in ads or profiles, it makes me crazy. It is absurd to ask for responses only from hiv negative people. No sexually active person can say with any certainty that he is HIV negative. I have read here that a high percentage of people with HIV are unaware of their status...yet they breezily declare that they are negative. When a person says "I am negative" you have to ask yourself...WHEN was this person tested?? and what has he done sexually since then? You must also ask yourself 'Is he lying?' Right up to the day they test positive, people have been wrongly describing themselves as negative.

I think it's irresponsible for anyone to say he is negative in an ad or on a profile...and it's equally irresponsible for web sites to allow such declarations to be made.

There are only TWO statements that are valid on this subject:

1. I have tested positive for HIV.

2. I have not tested positive for HIV.

Could you comment on this?

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello,

You are absolutely correct: approximately 25% of the over-1,000,000 HIV-infected Americans have absolutely no idea they are positive! Personally, even if a dude slapped a lie detector on his Mr. Happy, I wouldn't believe he was HIV negative.

As for Web sites' allowing such misleading declarations, well, I doubt there is much that can be done about that. If Web sites insisted folks tell the truth, can you just imagine how many dudes would have to revise what their profiles say about the size of their Mr. Happys. Converting Gay.com or Manhunt.com inches into "real inches" would require dividing at least by two.

Stay safe. Stay well.

Dr. Bob



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