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Entering into a mag relationship - any sound advice?
Dec 23, 2006

Hi Dr. Bob,

Been dating a guy with HIV for a month now. Great guy, handsome as hell, sweet, etc. He has had HIV for many years but is not on meds. High CD4 but his viral is a bit high. I am the top, we use condoms for anal sex. no issues there..lube is our friend. I sometimes go down on him...no cum in my mouth and I will rim him before anal sex. Am I really put myself at risk? He tells me his ID doctor said we should be fine. But I wanted to see what you think? Also, how often should I be tested? I am guessing it would be highly unlikely I would get infected with what I am doing. As, I always have assumed my partners are pos when having sex with them.

Nantucket Couple in LOVE and HAPPY!

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello Nantucket Lovebirds,

Congratulations on your new romance. Opposites do attract! As for sound advice, I suggest you read through the entire section on magnetic couples in the archives. There you'll find a wealth of information as well as my personal views on staying safe within a magnetic relationship. Communication is key! You both need to agree on what level of risk is acceptable to you and set your boundaries there. We call this negotiated risk (or negotiated safety). Condoms for anal sex are obviously a must. Unprotected oral sex is something you'll need to discuss. The HIV risk is extremely small, especially out ejaculation or extenuating circumstances. But a risk, however slight, still remains. Many magnetic couples have decided this level of risk is acceptable. Regarding rimming, there are no documented cases of HIV transmission from rimming or getting rimed. However, other STDs can be readily transmitted this way. (Check the archives for details.)

Once you and your partner have reviewed all the information about risk associated with various sexual activities (again the archives are an excellent source for this information), you should develop your own safer sex rituals based on what you both feel is acceptably safe. If an unanticipated exposure occurs, be ready to begin PEP ASAP. Your boyfriend's HIV specialist should be able to help with this.

How often should you test? Again, it's up to you, but general guidelines would suggest very six to twelve months.

Finally, I should mention Steve (Dr. Steve, the expert in The Body's Tratamientos forum) and I are also a magnetic couple, presently celebrating our 13th year together. If you guys are even half as lucky as we've been, be prepared for pleasures and passions beyond your wildest imagination. Perhaps 13 years from now we'll have a new limerick:

There once were two hotties from Nantucket, Who played safe every time they would . . . .

Be well. Stay well. Happy Holidays.

Dr. Bob



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