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Will I be perceived as a liar?

Dec 13, 2006

Dear Doctor,

I am an UNCIRCUMCISED male. I am ashamed to admit that my wife is half-way into her pregnancy and in this period I have spent time with other women. My exposures (with 3 different girls) are:

Episode 1 (Aug 2006): I fingered girl 1 and had some sticky vaginal fluid on my fingers, After about 5-6 minutes, I had an urge to pee and in the process touched the urethra and foreskin of my penis. Unfortunately, I had not washed my hands after fingering her. The fluid appeared to have dried a little by then but not completely.

Episode 2 (Sep 2006): I deep kissed girl 2. Didn't see any blood or anything in her mouth.

Episode 3 (Dec 2006): Girl 3 gave me an unprotected blowjob in my car for about 5 minutes. It was dark and I couldn't see if she was bleeding in her mouth.

I was relieved until yesterday about the fact that my wife is safe (she tested HIV negative as part of her pregnancy check-up) as I did not have any sexual contact with her after she became pregnant. However, last night while I was asleep, she gave me a blowjob (Unprotected obviously). I stopped her when I realised after about 2-3 minutes and I had not ejaculated. I tried to feel the tip of my penis to see if there was precum but couldn't feel anything. Not sure if my wife had accidentally ingested it.

Now I am extremely scared and worried that I may have infected her (if I am infected). Here are my questions:

1. Among the three episodes, which one is the most risky? Based on all the reading that I have done, it appears to be No.3. Am I correct?

2. This episode happened the day before yesterday (30 hours before my wife gave me a blowjob). Is 30 hours enough time for me to transmit HIV to my wife if I got infected by Episode 3?

3. What should I do? Do I need to be tested?

4. Also, since I have seen that the medical community refuses to aknowledge transmission via unconventional routes, will I be perceived as a liar if the worst is to come true?

Thanks for your time and consideration.

Response from Dr. Frascino


1. All of your risks would be very low risks for HIV transmission. Rating them in rank order is probably not all that helpful. However, if forced to rank them, #3 would probably have a slight edge over the other two.

2. This is a hypothetical that has so many variables that I cannot give you a definitive answer.

3. What should you do? I'd recommend you level with your wife for starters. Even though your risks are low at best, since you are clearly worried about HIV, testing at the three-month mark may well be the most effective and efficient way to permanently and completely calm your fears.

4. If you are HIV positive, you'll have far greater things to worry about than whether someone believes your story about how you contracted the virus!

Dr. Bob

Ultimat question about transmission
hiv tb connection

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