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**Hi Dr Bob** Waiting To Donate But Cannot Due To Card Not Working

Dec 10, 2006

Hi Dr Rob,

I hope this email find you well. It is rather long so sorry but bear with it!

Just tried to donate using the website you told me to use ( and it came up with this error message;

"We were unable to process your transaction due to one of the following reasons: the credit card or expiration date you entered is invalid, the street address you entered does not match the address of your credit card, the zip code you entered does not match the zip code of your credit card or there are insufficient funds available on the credit card you entered."

Is this because I am in England? Can you let me know a way round this, my details were correct but perhaps of the different terms i.e. zip code etc.. it is not finding it.

Thank you for your initial response to my email. I was grateful for your response and it helped calm me down and put things in perspective. What you told me was what an advisor said at the clinic I went to and also an advisor from the THT service here in the UK, all of you need to be knighted or at least given an award. Can you tell there is a big "BUT" coming!

I went to the clinic on Wednesday to have a test done for syphilis and hep B (awaiting those results, get them on the 8 Dec). This is 4.5 weeks after I put myself at risk. And I had to explain again what happened, which was I was the one who went to a swingers club (and I am married but have somehow not had sex with my wife since, I don't want to put her at risk incase it is bad), another man ejaculated into a womans mouth and after a brief time (maybe a minute, maybe more or less, I cannot remember as I was so drunk), I then came into her mouth....I am not 100% sure but I think she had his semen in her mouth when she sucked me for about 5-10 secs. I had a cut on the underside of the shaft of my penis at the time (and which could easily have come into contact with her mouth and tongue as it was high up), which scabbed the next day, I was unaware of that at the time due to too many beers. I presume it was bleeding as there was a scab and I have had this before when I have been a bit over exerted with the old fella, and when this has happened I have seen a little blood ooze from a cut. You were right about me feeling guilty and anxious.

4-5 days after this I had the pains under my arms which lasted for nearly 2 weeks. Nothing else experienced except for feeling a little warm now and again. They told me my glands were not swollen so was very confused. I must admit that I was very anxious and worried the next day and for the next few weeks (well I still am worried now, it is 5 weeks since the day).

Now is the part where I have got really worried again, the specialist told me I should be worried about this event as the cut is a serious problem. So this totally contradicts what you and all the others have said and as there is 10% doubt to the 90% that said it was neglible or low risk, the 10% is praying on my mind.

So where do I go from here? I am definitely going for a test on the 12 week mark and not on the 7th week to see how things are as if the news was bad I don't know how I would be over the christmas period. I don't know who to believe, I understand that there is a risk, there always is with things, but what she has said is that if this guy or girl has got it then there is serious chance that I do too. Do you agree with this person and that I should be really worried? I feel the lowest of the low hiding this from my wife, I cannot tell her as that would be the end of us and we have only been married since June, what kind of husband am I.

A few questions for you doc.

1) I thought that the virus lasts for seconds outside the body, but if it is in a lot of semen in a warm mouth then can it still survive and then get into a cut? If so, approx how long would it last?

2) My pains under my arms, even though they said that my glands were not swollen, they were painful when pressed but when I pressed them again they were not. But would feel pain again at some point, but not when I was asleep. I had this for nearly two weeks, I had head aches, pains in my ear and down my neck a little but did not feel anything else, had aches in my legs for a few days but think that could be stress.

3) Is 4-5 days too early to feel any symptoms, and also she did say it is more normal to feel a variety of symptoms and not just one?

4) At the moment (5 weeks today), I keep feeling my glands in my groin area and at the top I can really feel them and to me they feel large (only one on each side or would there be more if they were swollen) but am not sure if this is normal as I have never felt them before. I get the odd twinge and pain there but I am thinking to myself this could be a psycho schematic thing as I am concentrating on them all the time, no joke I feel them every time I go to the loo). And I do feel tired but have not been sleeping well due to worrying I think.

5) How common is it for the HIV virus to hide in the Hep B or any other virus and then come through, as I have not had my results back yet I am worried that if I have got it then I could have HIV. Also can Hep B be transferred through saliva when kissing or a small cut on your lip which was not bleeding profusely but was sore?

6) Finally, I have been told there may be 100,000 sufferers here in the UK (I thought there was a million). How come Africa has millions and other countries do not?

Sorry for all this stuff to read but I had to get this off my chest.

Thanks again doc and is it possible you can reply asap? This is my work email to so I need to be discreet to.

Your an absolute legend and I have so much respect for you (want to go back to having the same respect for myself but that will only come when I hopefully get the all clear in 7 weeks time).

And I hope your brother is not suffering too much, my thoughts are with him and also you and your family.



Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello Stu,

Welcome back to the forum.

My opinions about your risk and what you should do have not changed one iota!

I'll briefly respond to your specific questions:

1. Be reasonable, Stu. We do not have accurate statistical estimates on how long HIV can survive in a hooker's mouth as she gobbles down baby batter from consecutive dude after dude in a swingers' club! I continue to believe your specific HIV risk remains remote at best.

2. You did not ask a question here. I would merely emphasize once again that symptoms do not equal HIV disease. I would also recommend you believe the physicians when they inform you your glands are not swollen. I have no doubt normal glands will hurt when you press on them as they were not meant to be squeezed like a roll of Charmin'. Stop pestering them and they'll stop pestering you!

3. Yes, four-five days is too early for HIV ARS symptoms. Yes, ARS generally involves multiple simultaneous symptoms.

4. I agree. These complaints are due to your anxiety. By the way, they are psychosomatic, not psycho-schematic.

5. HIV doesn't hide in Hep B or any other virus. Hep B is transmitted via blood contact.

6. This is a complex epidemiological story that involves many variables, including socioeconomic conditions, public health, regional culture, lack of resources, etc., etc., etc. You can read scholarly dissertations on this topic in the archives and on many Web sites dedicated to this subject. Google it!

Next, regarding your donation difficulties, we continue to receive donations from England without noting any problems. If you are certain your details were correctly entered and are still receiving that error message, I would suggest you email your information directly to the Foundation at Our staff would be more than happy to enter the donation for you or walk you through the process.

Finally, Stu, I once again encourage you to level with your wife. You are currently feeling ill because you are experiencing the physical symptoms related to anxiety, guilt and depression, not HIV!!! The best way to conquer these fears and anxieties is to confront your guilt and accept the consequences of your actions. Leveling with your wife is not only the best way to do this; it's also the right thing to do. We're all human. We all make mistakes even yours truly. What's important is that we recognize our indiscretions, accept the consequences of our actions and learn from our mistakes.

Good luck, Stu. You know what needs to be done. Worrying about it doesn't help, nor will worrying alter the outcome of your situation.

Dr. Bob

So when did it happen?
thank you again, my friend

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