Update from "Yet another paranoid idiot looking for help"
Nov 16, 2006
Dear Dr Bob..
I thought I would post this to try to help all the worried wells like me who do not listen to your advice!!!!
Firstly wheres my HIV ARS Symptoms List? ah here it is
Night Sweats- Check Rash on Chest- Check Fever 100 degrees- Check Swollen Lymph Nodes confirmed by doctor- Check Vomiting- Check Diarrhoea- Check Sore throat- Check
Well with all of these symptoms I must be HIV positive despite Dr Bob saying A tit-o-ssage is not considered a risk for HIV transmission, no matter how often she used those bodacious ta-tas on other happily married men. It wasnt the happily married men I was worried about it was the bugger before me who must be HIV + and had a viral load to kill a rhino (Not that rhinos can get HIV even I am not that stupid)
So I called the STD Clinic in the town that the offence took place in they said We would not consider any form of testing following the activities described. What do they know eh just like Dr Bob So I presented myself at my local STD clinic told them the same story, 3rd time lucky someone may take me seriously I must be HIV positive The said exactly the same, even with my impressive resume of symptoms. But in light of my totally irrational fear of HIV and my obvious lack of understanding of normal transmission routes for the virus they would test me at the tree month mark but in the mean time go home and dont worry! Ha thats easy for them to say.
Three months has now passed and I went along to the STD Clinic today to get my reward for my pestering and finally find out if I have joined the ever expanding club of HIV positive people! Well I had my arm drain of blood they confirmed my blood type was cabinet sauvignon after the four bottles we went through last night to take my mind off today. 3 hours later I got the results of my test NEGATIVE for HIV or Hepatitis. I think the shouts of we bloody told you so drowned out my Woo f*cking Hoo!!!
Bob you are a fantastic guy and if I wasnt a happily married man I would fly over there and kiss you! The work you do is fantastic, your approach to life considering your circumstances is amazing and your are an inspiration to us all. If you are ever over in the UK let me know because I owe you a beer!!
Finally for all you people who could not be bothered to read and note the above; here is a summary.You can have very symptom in the book I did, they were real they were not imagined, was it HIV? NO. Until you get tested you cannot know for sure.
Response from Dr. Frascino
Gosh, another married Brit who wants to fly over the pond and play tonsil hockey with me. Hmmm . . . maybe I need to change colognes or something.
Congratulations, Martin! WOO-f*cking-HOO indeed! I won't even say "I told you so," but you know I'm thinking it!
Be well. Stay well.
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