Clarifications from a concerned mom to be
Oct 30, 2006
This is with reference to two letters to you - Self-infected and a Follow up written to you by my husband. You probably remember these letters. He had confessed to me soon after the incident he is worried about and me being totally uneducated about HIV etc didn't think much about it. Now that I am expecting, I had to take an HIV test as a part of my pre-natal care today. Over the last few days, my husband has constantly urged me to refuse the HIV test. This is what is bothering me.
If there was indeed no risk in what he did and your responses here seem to suggest that, why is he is so paranoid about me getting tested? He didn't get tested either and has kept telling me your "no-risk" responses are sufficient. He had been to a mental health councellor but quit the sessions after she suggested he get tested to calm his fears.
I ignored his request and did get tested today and the results should be back in a few days. By seeing his behavior, now even I am getting a little concerned.
Maybe all I want is some reassurance that there was indeed no risk in what he did and consequently my baby and I will be fine.
Response from Dr. Frascino
You and the baby are fine. Your hubby, unfortunately, is not. That he quit going to his shrink when testing was recommended and so insistently and inappropriately urged you not to get tested reveals he is still deeply disturbed about his indiscretion. He needs psychiatric care. If I were you, I'd insist he get it.
Followup to Self-Infected Aug 20, 2006
This is with reference to my post titled "Self-infected???" to which you kindly responded on April 21, 2006.
I had since taken your advice,told my wife and continued on our pregnancy endevors. We haven't had success yet but lately I have discovered a few things which are putting me back on the worry path. They are as follows:
1. On 6th April (the day my incident happened), 5 minutes had passed (from the time the guy's cum/pre-cum fell on my trousers) when I applied water using the fingers of my right hand on the area of the trousers where the cum/pre-cum was. Of the 5 minutes, 4 were spent walking down the stairs from floor 13 to floor 1 of a tall buliding and 1 minute towards walking to a bathroom in an adjoining building. The temperature outside was about 53 degrees F and inside was a little warmer than that as the heaters were on probably.
2. The tap which I used was not gushing out water, rather the water was falling like a thin string. So most likely, my middle finger received most of the water and my index finger remained water-less when I rubbed them on the area of the trousers where the cum/pre-cum was. As you would recall, I did not wash my hands with soap/water after taking the last rub on my trousers, rather I went directly to the urinal to urinate and masturbate.
3. I certainly touched the "frenular delta" area of my UNCIRCUMCIZED penis with my INDEX finger (the one that may not have received any water) while taking my penis out of my underwear. By looking at the diagrams at www.foreskin.org, it appears that that area is the inner layer of the foreskin which contain langerhans cells which is known to absorb HIv in the body.
4. The guy appeared to be high risk as he had indicated to me that he is not averse to barebacking with strangers.
5. My wife lately suffers from fatigue (particularly before her menstrual period approaches) over the past 3 months. I want to mention that barring a couple of days of slight malaise like feeling, I did not experience any ARS like symptoms.
Doctor, I am not doubting your advice you gave me earlier. In fact I seriously took your advice, told my wife before trying to get her pregnant. Maybe, I am just looking for some reassurance from you that neither my wife nor me are at any risk of contracting HIV from that incident on April 6. So given the additional description I provided today, will it be possible for you to re-assess my risk?
Response from Dr. Frascino
"Four minutes walking down stairs . . . one minute walking towards a bathroom in an adjoining building . . . the temperature outside was 53 degrees F . . . ." Dude, you take the phrase "detail-oriented" to whole new heights.
I thoroughly reviewed your additional five-point supplemental information rant and my assessment of your non-risk remains unchanged. I'll reprint your original question and my response below.
Now I have a question for you: have you followed the part of my advice that recommended professional counseling? If not, I suggest you do. You have some issues that would benefit from therapy, including your obsessive behavior (20 instant replays of "the sequence"), irrational HIV fears, sexual orientation issues, etc.
Apr 21, 2006
This is the first time I am posting on this board and at this moment I am really really scared and freaked out. I am a married man and currently trying to make my wife conceive. On April 6, 2006, for some unknown reason, I chatted with a guy online and then decided to meet him. God knows what I was thinking. This is what we did:
1. He licked and sucked my fingers, neck and nipples.
2. I licked his nipples and sucked on his neck.
3. I touched his balls only (not his penis). He didn't touch any part of my penis.
4. He masturbated while all this was going on. I didn't. While he was masturbating, some of his precum (and possibly some cum) fell on my trousers.
5. After about 5 minutes after this incident, I went to the bathroom and applied water using my right hand on the area of my trousers where his precum/cum was and then like an idiot masturbated using the same right hand.
The most worrisome incident is No.5.
Obviously, while applying water, my fingers came into contact with the pre-cum/cum a few times (albeit 5 minutes after it landed on my trousers). By that time it appeared to have dried a little bit but not completely. I know this as my fingers felt a little sticky while applying the water. I did not clean my hands with soap after taking the last rub on my trousers; instead I went directly to the urinal to take my penis out of the underwear to urinate (and masturbate). This is the biggest mistake I made. At that point, i should have cleaned my hand with soap and water.
I have redone the sequence at home about 20 more times now to see which part of my finger came in touch with which part of my penis. I found that most likely the tip of my index finger came into contact with the fold of my foreskin (UNCIRCUMCIZED) while taking the penis out of the underwear and could have touched the urethra while pushing it back in. I read the the layer of foreskin in uncircumcized men is a mucous membrane which readily absorbs HIV. So given the possible high concentration of HIV on my trousers, lack of soap usage and the touching of the foreskin and urethra, have I self-infected myself? It will be a terrible outcome if this was to happen.
I hope I am being able to convey the situation exactly the way it happened. I am just terrified now. Moreover I had some malaise-like feeling yesterday (12 days after the incident).
Please provide your kind assesment in light of the detailed description. Also, if possible, kindly let me know if a test is medically necessary in my case.
Response from Dr. Frascino
You are married and currently trying to make your wife conceive, so you chatted online with a guy and decided to hook up???? Hmmm . . . that seems an odd way to get your wife preggers. As for the "some unknown reason" this happened, I absolutely agree: "God knows what you were thinking!" And I'm willing to bet deep down you know as well.
I'm also quite impressed you "have redone the sequence at home about 20 more times . . . ." WOW! Where did you find 20 more guys to spunk your Dockers? And doesn't your wife find it a bit odd you spend so much time having dudes shoot a load on your trousers and then you go whacky playing Lady Macbeth with the "out, out damn spot" routine???? Oh well . . . never mind. It doesn't really matter, because from the detailed five-point description you provided, your HIV risk is completely nonexistent. Yes, even the dreaded #5! Do you need HIV testing? Nope. However, before proceeding with your plans for fatherhood, I think you should do two things:
1. Level with your wife about your activities.
2. Get professional counseling to explore the reasons why you decided to have sex with another man. Conceiving a child is not the answer to questions about one's sexual orientation.
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