Oct 13, 2006
Hey Dr. Bob, thanks so much for all you do here. Well, I'm sorry that I have to bring this up, but it's something that's been irking me for a while. Why do you always have to make lude, sexual references? I know that this is the sex forum, but I feel like, if anything, you should be encouraging people to take sex a lot more seriuosly and less flippantly. I hate to say it, but you seem to sort of exacerbate the stereotype that all gay men do is think about and have sex. I wish more gay men were more responsible and less careless with who they sleep with. Don't get me wrong, I think sex is great, but it should never be taken lightly and, in my opinion, is only good when it's with someone you're committed to and truly love. I am a gay man who (yes, stereotypically) slept around a bit and, yes, it was all very empty and meaningless. When I met the love of my life, that's when sex became special and important. I guess stereotypes exist for a reason..which sucks...perhaps we can try changing them. Anyway, I really appreciate what you do, but I wish you would try and encourage people to not just practice safe sex, but also take sex seriously on a deeper, emotional level. Making lude jokes about it just seems to promote the idea that sex with whoever is a great thing. Which it certainly isn't.
Response from Dr. Frascino
I'm delighted you have found the love of your life and that sex has now become "special and important" to you. But how did you meet up with your Mr. Right? The Christian Dating Service???
You state, "I wish more gay men were more responsible and less careless with who they sleep with." Hmmm . . . may I ask why this only applies to gay men?
Next, you report "I think sex is great, but it should never be taken lightly and, in my opinion, is only good when it's with someone you're committed to and truly love." Hmmm . . . really??? That's not exactly been my personal experience. In the past I remember some mind-numbing very "committed" and extremely satisfying experiences that only lasted an hour or two. Maybe during your "sleep around" period, you just shagged guys who weren't very good between the sheets!?!
Next, regarding your comment that I should "encourage people . . . to take sex seriously on a deeper, emotional level . . ." Well, let's just say I'll agree with the "deeper" part, OK? In general I find folks take sex way too seriously already. It's suppose to be fun, not intellectually challenging! In many ways isn't it you who may be falling for a "stereotype?" That stereotype being sex is "empty and meaningless" outside of a monogamous committed relationship??? That sounds a bit too "Republican" for my bohemian predisposition. Vive la vie bohème!!!
Next, regarding your comment that my sexual references are "lude". Hmmmm. Lude is a pill or tablet containing methaqualone. (QUAALUDE). So I take it you find my comments to be a downer?
If, on the other hand, you find my comments to be "lewd", well sorry charley, personally I just don't think of sex as dirty. So I'll continue to encourage all sexual beings gay, straight, bi, curious, questioning, Mormon or whatever to practice safer sex whenever, wherever and however often they chose to get their groove on! And as for being "flippant," well what's wrong with wanting to flip? That means you're either "versatile" or very "acrobatic," both of which come in handy when having sex!
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