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gay guy raped by ugly woman
Oct 12, 2006

Dear Dr. Bob, I am writing because I know you won't judge me even if I let myself get into this stupid situation by being stupid. I work as shot boy at a bar in Buffalo and some of the work that comes along with that is the odd trick with a well-heeled customer. so I am tested often, use precautions, and have always been negative.

last week the horror of horrors happened to me. i was very drunk and doing coke well into the early morning with a 'regular' guy from the bar and about ten other people. I finally crashed around noon but i guess i had a raging hard-on because i woke up to see this ugly woman riding me WITHOUT protection. it was some stupid blonde, middle aged, coke snorting hanger on that had been partying at my clients place. i really can't believe this shit because, well just because. i don't know her staus and it is too late for PEP and i just want you to say something to me to quiet my head. i read about the odds and its all good, but i can't get over the fact that i have always felt like i was going to get hiv someday and this would be the greatest irony after all the care i have taken with my clients. thank you Dr. Bob and bless you

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hey Shot Boy,

Buffalo has studly spunky shot boys who party with well-heeled bar patrons???? Gosh, who knew?!? Buffalo????? I'm a native of Rochester. We just assumed you Buffalonians were way too busy shoveling "lake effect" snow to actually have any fun whatsoever.

So just how ugly was your horror of horrors? Was she so ugly she could look out a window and get arrested for mooning? Or so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars? Or so ugly she could make an onion cry??? Well, if she really is such a troll that you have to tie a steak around her neck to get dogs to play with her, you can probably assume she doesn't get all that much action between the sheets, right? I mean it's not often she's going to wind up at a party and find a gay hunky-spunky dude passed out with a raging hard-on for her to ride like Seabiscuit, right?

As for your risk, the estimated per-act risk for acquiring HIV from unprotected insertive penile-vaginal sex with an ugly coked-out skank is 5 per 10,000 exposures, assuming said skank is pozatoid. Your estimated risk would be less because we don't know your unsightly paramour's status. Consequently the odds are all in your favor. Certainly testing at the three-month mark is warranted, but try not to stress too much, OK? Chances are you learned a valuable lesson about staying safe in the future. At least I hope you did. And oh, by the way, did you know while Medusa was riding your joystick she was also filming the entire event and plans to upload it on YouTube if you don't agree to become her lover??? (See, now there's something to really worry about!)

I'll send my best good-luck karma that your HIV tests remain negative. And oh, by the way, what was the name of the bar you work at??? I'm sure our readers and Cinderella's ugly sisters will be clamoring to know!

Good luck.

Dr. Bob



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