brief encounter with a masseur
Jul 25, 2006
Hello Dr. Bob.
I am a recent reader of your forums, and I found some of the articles very informative. However, I have some specific questions of my own after I got stupid and got myself exposed to unprotected sex with someone who offers massage with release.
I went and got his services thinking, how unsafe can a massage get, the worst that can happen is he'll give me a massage, and stroke me and then I pay him, that's it.
Wrong. when I got there, things got out of hand, we both got carried away, but before we did anything I asked him if he plays safe, he said "always", but as I learned the hard way, that doesn't mean anything. So we proceeded, he gave me the massage, started to rub his stubbles on my anal area, used spit to lube me up, he tried to push his penis inside my rectum, but he didn't go all the way through, I gave him oral stimulation, but he didn't cum inside my mouth, and he did the same to me in return. I think I tasted precum on him. I then penetrated him anally, thrusted 3 times then realized i shouldn't be doing it so I pulled back and just jacked off until I came. He came on my chest. I started freaking out when I realized he had had some hiv+ clients before, but he said he only gave them massages and nothing else, and he didn't have sex with all of his clients, like I really believed him at this point.
My questions are:
1: Is it possible that his rubbing of his stubbles on my anal region caused breaks on the skin where the virus can enter? 2: Will this have led to the possibility that he might have infected me (if he was lying about his hiv status) by using spit to stimulate my anal region?
3: Precum in the mouth during oral sex: I only did it for probably a minute or two. Does that make a difference on my risk?
4: He tried penetrating me, but didn't go in entirely. Am I possibly infected by his pushing his penis inside me? He didn't thrust in and out or anything because I asked him to stop.
5: I topped for him, thrusted thrice, with him on top, me lying on my back. It was gentle thrusting. How does this affect my risk? Could I have gotten the virus (granting he's positive and lied about his status) even if I pulled out after thrusting 3 times?
5: I went to my doctor on the 3rd day ( the encounter happened on a Friday night, saw my doctor that following Monday morning) and inquired about NPEP. He said it was too late (I thought it was 72 hours?) to start it; besides he thinks the risks/side effects of taking it far outweigh the benefits in my case. How is this so?
He did test me for HIV and VDRL as baseline, I'm still waiting for those results. In the meantime, what can I do? The anxiety is killing me. Thanks for your answer in advance. I can't tell you enough how grateful I am for people like you. Where can I send my donation? I'll be waiting for your answer. Thanks again and more power.
Response from Dr. Frascino
So Rub-a-dub-dub guy tells you he "always" plays safe and then he tries to bareback your backside like Jack and Ennis on Brokeback Mountain and subsequently allows you to go commando on his buns???? Hmmm . . . I'm not sure Mr. Rub-a-Dub understands either the word "always" or "safe." OK, on to your questions:
1. No. this would be highly unlikely, even if he had Jake Gyllenhaal's stubble!
2. No. HIV is not transmitted via spit.
3. Less exposure means less risk.
4. If he got in, there is a potential risk; although, because it was so brief, again the risk would be minimized.
5. Unprotected sex is unprotected sex. Your risk would be "insertive anal sex with a partner of unknown HIV status." Could three thrusts be enough to transmit HIV? Theoretically yes.
6. PEP and nPEP work best when started as soon as possible after exposure, i.e. minutes are better than hours and hours are better than days! Beginning PEP beyond 72 hours is not recommended. PEP is generally advised only after a significant HIV exposure. Taking PEP is not easy and there are indeed risks associated with these potent medications.
7. What can you do while suffering through the window period? I'd suggest volunteering some of your time at an AIDS hospice or other AIDS service organization. Helping others who are much less fortunate than ourselves is an excellent way to keep our own problems and challenges in their proper perspectives. If HIV/AIDS organizations are too stressful, try a pediatric cancer center or read to the blind or hand out meals to the homeless.
Thank you for your willingness to donate to The Robert James Frascino AIDS Foundation. Donation information can be found on the foundation's Web site at www.concertedeffort.org. Our address is:
The Robert James Frascino AIDS Foundation 1000 Fremont Ave., Suite 145 Los Altos, CA 94024
In return, I'm sending you my very best good-luck karma that your HIV tests remain negative.
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