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anxiety ate the title

Jul 18, 2006

Dear Doctor Bob, Here's my sexcapade: went to a massage parlor, the girl licked my ears and then gave me a handjob. She was wearing her swimsuit. I didn't see any blood, nor did I have any symptoms. However, in 4-5 weeks, I had some weird nausea that persisted for 3 days.

Then I've been reading archives, and found this post where Dr.Fried marks nausea as a symptom for Hep.B, and kind of says that Hep.B can be spread via handjobs... that just brings the whole enchilada of anxiety back to me, and now I know exactly where my guts are, because they are popping out of me from panic. What should I do? Get Hep.B test? Get HIV test (they both start with H...)? Or am I an idiot (please, tell me I am an idiot). Thank you, will donate,

wannabe an id.

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello Idiot Wannabe,

The massage parlor gal wore her swimsuit and then licked your ears??? Gosh, maybe she was a Portuguese water dog in a previous life. That might explain her desire to swim and lick ears. Was she also able to lick her own private parts? Did she have fleas? Enjoy playing "bury the bone?" Oh never mind . . . moving on.

"The whole enchilada of anxiety" over a hand job and ear lick from a swimsuited masseuse??? Relax Max! You are not an idiot. (Dubya, yes, but you, no.) You also are not infected with HIV or hepatitis from such harmless activities. Three days of "weird nausea" is not an indication you have hepatitis B or HIV. If you don't believe me, the option of getting tested is always open to you; although, it certainly isn't medically warranted for diagnostic purposes. The results will undoubtedly be negative. Two caveats, if you do decide to test. First, for HIV wait until the three-month mark, as tests taken prior to three months are not considered definitive. If you test for hepatitis B and are negative, consider getting the hepatitis B vaccine series (three injections over six months). This will provide protection against future enchiladas or pink tacos or whatever.

So "wannabe," even though both HIV and hepatitis start with an "H," so does happy, and that's the only thing you should be at this moment, OK?

Stay well.

Dr. Bob

Dr. Don Frascino. Just when I thought I was out my stupid fears pull me back in...

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