Dr. Bob,

Met my new boyfriend Rufus on the net. Turns out his penis measurements were in "real" rather than Internet inches! That's never happened to me before. This guy could make King Kong blush with envy. Well he wants to have sex but says condoms don't fit because he's such a big boy. What do you recomend?

Ready, Willing, and hopefully Able Abe

Hello Hopefully Able Abe,

So you met King Kong Schlong Rufus on the Net? Hmmm . . . . Where did you find him, www.massivelyendowedsingles.com???

So, um, Abe, just how big is Rufus? Inquiring minds want to know! Oh never mind. We better not get distracted here or you'll never get your question answered.

Abe, the bottom line here is that you need to protect your, um, bottom line (so to speak). And unless Rufus is so large that even the Lincoln Tunnel would have a tough time accommodating him, condoms will fit. Try Magnum XL. They work for me . . . oops, I mean they should accommodate anything that doesn't belong in a circus freak show.

Just to prove my point. Take one out of its snazzy foil packet and blow it up like a balloon. Once it gets to be 10 times bigger than Rufus's tallywhacker, tie a knot in it and show it to Mr. Big. He won't be able to complain about them not fitting ever again.

Just for laughs, I'll post a few questions from the archives that deal with size, OK?

Stay well. Stay safe, Abe.

Dr. Bob

BIGGER OEM IS BIGGER RISK?? Apr 21, 2006

Dear Dr. Bob,

I ll be brief:

Does having a bigger OEM (one eyed monster) increases your risk of HIV on unprotected sex for both insertive and receptive?

You are doing a great job, you are the best!

Thanks a lot.

OEMd

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello,

Just how much bigger are we talking about here? Like "gosh, I never saw one of those on a white boy before" or "oh my God!!!" or "Zowie, does that thing come with its own zip code?"

Bottom line: size does matter in some things, but not necessarily in HIV risk. Unprotected tiny weenies and giant salamis have the same statistical risks. Of course, the giant salamis may well have more opportunities to get into trouble than those Dick Cheney-sized head-in-the-bushes types.

Stay well, Big Boy.

Dr. Bob

Sex through zipper on pants? Jan 19, 2004

can a guy have sex with you through the zipper on his pants? without unbuttoning them?

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello,

What the hell are you talking about? First off, zippers zip and buttons button. Zippers don't unbutton. Next, even if the dude is a pencil-dicked geek, his Mr. Happy just wouldn't fit through a zipped zipper. Right? So tell me, just how small is your boyfriend?

Dr. Bob