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Panic!! Just developed ohl....

Jun 30, 2006

Hi Doc... i've got a situation here that i'm trying to be rational about ... but sometimes being rational about a situation like this is pretty hard ...

I've seen all of the "first guy to get hiv from getting a bj" articles and while they helped for a while they dont seem to anymore... and i am absolutely going insane...

It goes like this ...

About 8 weeks ago i met a girl at a party, and ended up getting unprotected oral, fingering her, and sucking on her pierced nipples...

Low risk as we all know ... but wait ...

I ended up getting a sore/scratchy throat that lasted for about three weeks after that ... during that time i got night sweats a couple of times, headaches, and encountered some stomach problems... probably all stress related i know ...

But then just as i had gotten over it and told myslf that i was in the clear i developed something that looks strikingly similar to ohl!!! ive also had dry mouth, and a coated tongue ... do you think that the stuff on the side (left side) of my tongue could be caused by the dry mouth and such... (please say yes)...

I went and tested for everything else and im the clear ... does that give me even more of a reason to worry less (if that sentence makes sense) ... For some reason i cant get over this ... and the appearance of this ohl like substance is only making things worse ... i'm dying over here ... I just want to get back with my ex and never meet a new person again... that or retire my penis ...

Also i saw in one of your other answers that you said you would go with a guy on his test ... any chance you'll make your way up to canada to escort me ... I'll buy the ticket ... and show you the terrain ...

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello Panicky Canook,

Retire your penis????? Would that be retire as in withdraw your tallywhacker from service or retire as in put a new set of Michelins on your Mr. Happy? In the first case, your weenie is still working "hard," so to speak, so why send him into early retirement where Mr. Happy is bound to become Mr. Unhappy, Mr. Frustrated and Mr. Horny?!? In the second case, you don't need that much rubber to be safe. A thin sheet of latex with lots of water-based lube is all that's required.

Dude, what can I tell you that you haven't already told yourself? For example:

1. "Low risk as we all know . . . ."

2. "Probably all stress related, I know . . . ."

3. ". . . stuff on my tongue could be caused by dry mouth and such . . . ." (Yes!)

Your chances of being HIV positive are essentially non-existent. What you have on your tongue is not OHL! Stop trying to self diagnose. You're a really lousy doctor!

Go get your test; it will be negative. You'll yell a Canadian WOO-HOO loud enough to knock the Mounties off their horses. You'll then write to me saying "guess what." And, of course, I already have.

As for my flying up to Canada, wouldn't it make more sense for you to fly here? We'll hold your hand during the test and besides, we now have our earplugs all set and ready to apply as soon as you start yodeling WOO-HOO and doing cartwheels.

Stop worrying. Your WOO-HOOs are on the way, OK?

Dr. Bob

Boohoo instead of Woohoo
Stupid Act Follow-up

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