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kiss with a twist
Jun 26, 2006

Dear Dr Bob

I know how busy you are so I'll (try and) get to the point and really hope you can reply to me this time.

I had a really bad, prolonged snog with a guy who unexpectedly chose to chew/tug/bite my lips. I am feeling quite annoyed because it did not tickle my pickle in the least and now I'm worried about contact with blood (don't know if this caused me to bleed and whether he had blood in his mouth).

This twisted activity cannot be so unique, can it? I appreciate that there's only been one documented case of transmission via kissing.

I have scanned the forum and found one similar scenario - I think you said something along the lines of this being extremely low risk.

Assuming my lips did bleed, would blood in this guy's mouth have to be visible or tasted for there to be any real risk (and even then, would this still qualify as low?)

Please help to calm me down before I really do enrol at Sister Contraception's School of Lifelong Celibacy.

Shy and retiring x

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello Shy and Retiring X,

Sister Contraception's School of Lifelong Celibacy????? Isn't that one of the faith-based initiatives that Dubya, the Boy King, and Cheney, the Evil Wizard of Halliburton, have given millions of tax-payer dollars to??? Yeah, I thought so.

Regarding really bad snogs, yeah, they are common, especially among religious zealots, Republicans and anyone carrying an NRA card. As for the chew/tug/bite behavior, who were you dating -- a pit bull by chance?

At any rate, my advice and assessment remain the same for all these similar scenarios. Your HIV risk is negligible to nonexistent. If you remain concerned, get an HIV test at the three-month mark. The odds remain astronomically in your favor that you did not acquire HIV from this twisted kiss. I'm quite confident you'll soon be:

1. Yelling WOO-HOO.

2. Getting expelled form the School of Lifelong Celibacy.

3. Enrolling in the Order of Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence.

I'll seal this message with a kiss (minus the chew/tug/bite) for good luck, OK?

Dr. Bob



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