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Magnetic Couple - Stupid Act - freaked out

Jun 15, 2006

Hey Doctor:

Magnetic couple here - he is pos, neg here. We always have protected anal - never had uprotected anal - no condoms breaking, always put my condom on at the the start, lots of good ole' lube and no tears, shreds nothing. Ok there I assume?

here is the deal, I, like an idiot, game my partner oral sex, what the hell was I thinking? He is not a pre-cumer nor did he cum in mouth. But, am I an idiot or what? I only did this twice, but it has freaked me out. His doctor said I shouldn't freak out and just move on from it as the risk was extremely low. But now I can't even have sex with my partner - I am freaked out that I went down on him without a rubber. What is my risk - 10,000 - 1 odds still scare the hell out me. As I fear I am that 1 in 10,000. His doctor said I should see a therapist over this unwarranted anxiety.

I trust you Doctor, Give it to me straight.


Response from Dr. Frascino


First the facts: the estimated per-act risk for acquiring HIV from unprotected receptive oral sex with a partner confirmed to be HIV positive is indeed 1 in 10,000. Many folks find that risk so miniscule as to be acceptable. Others, such as you, may not. Just for reference, do you also fear being struck by lightening, getting bitten by a poisonous spider or finding out you are the illegitimate lovechild of Dick Cheney and Condoleezza Rice???? All these things have very long odds as well, but are nonetheless at least theoretically possible.

My suggestions are:

1. Get HIV tested at the three-month mark from your last toot on his flute. The odds are astronomically in your favor that you did not contract HIV from these two nibbles on your boyfriend's joystick. However, because you are so worried, testing may well be the most effective and efficient way to put these fears permanently to rest.

2. Read through the information in the archives of this forum that pertains to magnetic couples. Discuss with your poz partner what activities will be included in your sexual rituals, based on the medical evidence and your individual comfort levels. This way you both understand the boundaries.

3. I agree with your boyfriend's doctor: counseling may well help you confront and cope with your irrational fears and unwarranted anxiety. It may also ultimately strengthen your relationship.

Good luck.

Dr. Bob

unprotected oral sex with ejaculation II
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