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god is punishing me
May 24, 2006

Dear Doc Bob.

I recently went for a bachelor party and ended up having sex with a prostitute. I had protected sex using a condom. However the prostitute performed oral sex to me without any condom. Now I am dreading that I have HIV. Also I am staying away from my wife as I don't want to infect her and my soon to be born baby. My wife is 5 months pregnant. I feel I should be shot dead in the head five times for doing the stupidest thing in my entire life. I have never gone to a prostitute ever in my life before this encounter. I am now even afraid to kiss my wife and have any kind of contact with her which involves kissing or any bodily fluids.

What are my chances of contacting HIV and when is the best time to get tested...immediately, in 3 months or 6 months. Please help me..I might just die from the stress..

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello,

You feel you "should be shot dead in the head five times????" Five times???? Hmmm . . . wouldn't that be rather redundant? Or perhaps a better word would be "overkill?"

Speaking of redundant, here comes the same advice I've doled out a gazillion times before to frantic dudes with post-bachelor-party stripper sex worries.

1. Protected sex is "protected," assuming the latex condom was used properly and did not fail.

2. Oral sex carries a very small risk for HIV transmission, particularly for the insertive partner (that would be you, big guy).

3. If you are worried, and clearly you are, get an HIV test at the three-month mark. The odds remain astronomically in your favor that you did not contract HIV from your "boys' night out."

4. Level with your wife. You need to confront your guilt and it's the right thing to do.

5. Kissing your wife is not a risk, even if you were HIV positive, which I very strongly doubt is the case.

6. Yes, you just might die form the stress. Those odds are probably greater than your dying from HIV.

Good luck from your "Department of Redundancy Department." By the way god is not punishing you. If SHE did want to punish you SHE would have made you Dubya's speech coach or Cheney's cardiologist.

Dr. Bob



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