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He is negative, I am positive. Already donated

May 22, 2006

Dr Frascino, I must first say that I accidentally found this site and it has been a wonderful and truly educational experience. I must also add, I think you are GREAT and your humor at easing the fears of AIDS/HIV is welcomed to a newly diagnosed person such as myself. My question is what advice can you give me concerning my relationship with a man who is neg. and me being pos. We have been together for 2 years and I just found out my poz status. Being considered a magnetic couple is now a reality for me. Dealing with the news was enough, now dealing with the reality that our relationship could end adds the fuel to the fire. Actually, it hurts more than the news that I am +. He can't understand how a potential break-up could hurt more than the news that I am positive. I don't want to lose him, he is a great guy and he is also understanding. However, somethings he may not be able to hang in there with and that hurts me most. He says that we will always be great friends at the least, but thats not enough 4 me. We have a great gay relationship, but I think intimacy bothers him most. I am willing to be as safe as possible on his terms so that he can feel comfortable, but I don't know if that is enough for him...He always says 1 day at a time. I am holding on to that hope. I just hope that day that I am waiting for goes my way...I need him, he is my center, my joy, my love. I need your help. Should I pursue this challege, or let what is so beautiful, go. Desperate Caesar in Miami...And to my lover I.M. Baby, I love you! Give us a chance. Give us our life back. Our joy back. Baby, there is life after HIV. Help me make this LAST. Love you 4ever, "C"

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello Desperate Caesar in Miami,

I'm sorry to hear about your recent diagnosis and relationship problems.

If your partner is willing, I would recommend couples counseling. Issues related to intimacy, safety, potential future loss of a partner and many other problems are all things magnetic couples need to confront and learn to cope with. However, there has to be desire on the part of both of you to work through these challenges. If you're getting the "we will always be great friends" line, that's not encouraging. Desperately pursuing someone because you feel you "need" him is also not a good sign. A relationship can't be built only on one person's needs and desires. If your relationship doesn't work out, Caesar, remember he is rejecting the virus and not you.

Steve (Dr. Steve, the expert in The Body's Tratamientos forum) and I are an example of a magnetic relationship that is wildly successful. Pointing that out to your partner may help. If he does reject you for all the wrong reasons, it may be he who ultimately is signing the blues about the one who got away.

Good luck to you both. I think "one day at a time" is an excellent philosophy.

Dr. Bob

Worried Sick. Symptoms and HIV Testing. PLEASE ANSWER.
Thought I did everything right!

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