Apr 18, 2006
Hi Dr. Bob! I'm just a little curious and alot concerned. A couple of days ago I had sex with someone whom I've been having sex with for about 8 months once a month. At times, we used condoms and sometimes we wouldn't. The last time we had sex which was a couple of days ago, we started out with protection and then he decided to take it off. I am positive and not on meds. I don't know his status but have my suspicions. He, however, did not ejaculate in me or at all but the next day I experienced chills and tiredness and a sore throat. I did not deep throat him but I did try...lol. Is it possible that he could re-infect me even though he did not ejaculate? I find it strange that I would feel ill hours after having sex with him. We've never talked about our status so I don't know if he's positive or not. I do know he's very promiscuous. Unfortunately, I've fallen in love with him and didn't aways use good judgement. Can you help me?
Response from Dr. Frascino
You want me to help you to use good judgment??? Hmmm . . . . Actually, from your post, it seems you already know what you should do. You just don't always do it. I certainly understand the temptation to think with the wrong head when passion flares, but reality will always rear its head eventually.
Since you already really do know this information, I'll only reiterate it briefly as a refresher course:
1. Unprotected sex places you at risk for all STDs, including possible reinfection/superinfection with another HIV strain. (Check the archives if you need additional details.)
2. Symptoms occurring within hours of an exposure are not related to HIV. These symptoms take weeks to manifest themselves. Other non-HIV germs can produce symptoms much more quickly.
3. It's time (actually well past time) you and your studmuffin had "the talk!" Waiting longer will not make the discussion any easier. In fact, just the opposite.
4. Although ideally you should have been doing this for the past eight months, from now on you need to protect yourself and your lover boy by using latex each and every time from start to climactic finish. There is an old African proverb that would apply to your situation: the best time to plant a tree is 10 years ago. The next best time is now.
You state you have "fallen in love with him." Even if your general good-judgment has lapses, can you really, in good conscience, place someone you love in harm's way and purposefully expose him to HIV? You may have your suspicions about his status, but you do not know for sure.
OK, now you know what needs to be done. Actually, you've known all along, haven't you? Of course you have! Now get going!
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