Even impeaching Bush wouldn't cheer me up right now.....
Apr 3, 2006
I don't want to live this way anymore and I don't know what to do. It seems like this disease is the only thing I can think about...it interferes with my work, my relationship, my family, everything. For some reason I keep thinking I have it or am going to get it and it obsesses my brain day and night. I have been this way for 3 years now...since my aunt committed suicide and I went through a really bad realtionship where I found out the guy might have been with prostitutes. I have been tested like 8 times since then but I still think, even if I have protected sex, that somehow I will get it.
I went to go give blood today and I chickened out, almost had a panic attack. My only risks are unprotected oral where i gave for lliterally 1 MAYBE 2 minutes with ejaculation which was swallowed right away. He told me doesn't have any STDs and doesn't want any. I hounded him so many times, asking him if he was sure, and he finally stopped talking to me. No symptoms, but I did get a cold 7 weeks later that lasted 3-4 days. Almost a month ago, I was in a relationship with a great guy that I work with who just got seperated. He was married for 10 years and neither of them ever cheated. He only came in me twice, but we never had rough sex and I was always very lubricated. Again, no symptoms he has been very comforting with me, assuring me that he is clean. I belive him, but why am I still so scared and parinoid?? I was diagnosed with GAD a couple of years ago, was on Zoloft for 9 months and it didn't help. I have no idea what to do anymore. I don't want to be scared or fearful because I am only 23 and this is all I can think about...it interferes with everything.
I just want a normal life.
Response from Dr. Frascino
There is no doubt that HIV is not your problem. Fear of HIV is. And it seems to me you are aware of the distinction. That's the first step in confronting and conquering this problem.
I strongly suggest you seek the help of a psychiatrist. If even impeaching Bush won't cheer you up, your depression is quite profound indeed! Even though I am trying to make you smile by saying that, I do truly believe you would benefit greatly from seeing a psychiatrist. Irrational fear, anxiety and depression are all very real medical conditions. They need to be properly evaluated and treated in order for you to regain the "normal life" you desire. If you want it, now you know what you must do to regain it.
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