Feb 10, 2006
Hi Dr. Bob,
I'm a bit on edge this morning after doing the "walk of shame"...I hope you can help ease my mind! :)
About 4 months ago I met this guy, we'll call him Ted (in the military town where I live, that stands for "Typical Enlisted Dude," and you can use your imagination about how they got that rep). Anyway, I personally like soldiers, and Ted is awfully cute, but when I first met him his friend told me that Ted takes a different girl home every night, so I made a mental note to stay away.
Well, over the past few months I've never seen Ted bring girls home or be disrespectful in any way, and recently he started flirting with me and we've been spending more time together. I've slowly let the sexual part of our relationship progress, but Ted isn't much of a talker and we haven't discussed our sexual histories, so I'm trying to be careful.
I slept at his place last night, and wound up letting him finger me and perform oral sex on me. He was also "dry-humping" me with our pj's on, but I was still worried about pre-cum leaking through. At one point when I was naked and he had boxers on, he tried to rub against me again. I stopped him right away, but I was a little worried that fluid might have gotten on me. Overall, though, I figured I was ok with what happened (I am a loyal fan of your forum and know that these things carry minimal risk), and I told him that I'd "return the favor" once I bought condoms, and he seemed fine with that. I told him I didn't want to do anything unsafe.
So...this morning I got up to use the bathroom, and on my way back to his room what do I see, but his collection of 5 pairs of women's panties hanging from hooks on his door. DOH! Now, I consider myself a pretty cool girl, and part of me thought this was funny. But an even bigger part of me, when confronted with evidence of his sexual conquests literally right in my face, about had a heart attack. And that, of course, is where you come in! :)
I'm feeling a little anxious about what happened now, and of course he's also expecting his "turn" tonight. I hope I didn't put myself at risk for HIV...and now I need to reconsider what I want to do with him, because I'm afraid that even using a condom won't make me feel completely safe.
What do you think, Doc...should I be concerned? Right now I'm thinking a big concern for me might be choosing better partners; I'm already in the window period for a previous encounter--the same things happened (being fingered, receiving oral sex), but this guy at least didn't have a panty collection. No, he just referred to his previous women by number instead of name. Charming, no?
I hope you'll respond, because right now I feel like a wanton trollop, and not in a good way ;) Much love to you, Dr. Bob!
Response from Dr. Frascino
A "wanton trollop"??? No, no my dear, you are not a wanton trollop or unchaste cocotte or even a licentious strumpet!
I agree your HIV risk from letting "Ted" finger and perform oral sex on you is minimal at best, especially with your "I'll return the favor" tomorrow night routine.
Seeing the five pairs of panties at Ted's shouldn't really be all that much of a shock, unless you thought he was a virgin. Besides, maybe the five Fredericks of Hollywood fashions belong to Ted. Maybe instead of "Typical Enlisted Dude," Ted stands for "Transvestite Evangelical Dope." Your safer sexual practices should be the same whether or not Ted's panties collection is on display or on him, right?
Should you be concerned? Not really, at least no more so than if you never saw the panties. After all, if you hadn't seen them, would that really make Ted any safer? Of course not!
Don't be on edge doing a "walk of shame;" rather, just always play safe and you can strut home like John Travolta (circa "Saturday Night Fever," not circa "Pulp Fiction"). However, if you do spend the night with Teddy, I would suggest that you make sure you have all of your intimate apparel with you before strutting home.
Stay safe. Stay well.
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