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Dont want to go on

Dec 12, 2005

Dear Dr. Bob

First off I'd like to say that your forum not only helps me cope with hiv worry, but has changed me as a person. I was raised in a part of the country where we do not accept homosexuality or things other than the stereotypical norm. I regret to admit that I hated homosexuals and anyone not like me and thought about how they should be kicked out of the country. Honestly, your site made me see that this kind of thinking was not only wrong, but that anyone of any kind of different lifestyle other than mine can produce the same kind of love,caring, and respect. After reading on your site for a few months I had this change and I remembered that I had been real mean and rude to someone that was homosexual for no reason other than he was homosexual. I asked around town for a LONG LONG time and fianlly found out where he lived. I went to his house and said I was sorry. After that, Larry and I became good friends and I am having dinner wit him and his family on x-mas eve. I feel so bad for how I used to be. I only pray that God can forgive me.

Anyways, I have a few questions about a recent encounter. I went down on a girl about 2 weeks ago that I met at a bar. She was 45 and I am 21. LOL. Anyways I know that oral sex is a low risk, but later when I went to the bathroom I noticed that I had an open sore on my lip and I'm sure her fluids got in the sore. A few days later I got 2 rather big lymph nodes on the back of my kneck and my armpits kinda hurt. I also got a few tiny white bumps on the tip of my tongue. For you I have a few questions 1. if you have swollen lymph nodes do they usaully make the entire part of your kneck sore or just on the actual nodes themselves? The reason why I ask is because the back of my kneck hurts, but the actual nodes do not. I can grad and pinch them and they don't hurt at all. My arm pits perform the same thing. It hurts, but the actual nodes do not. 2. The pain in both my kneck and armpits come and go throughout the day. Do ars symptoms come and go like that or do they come and stay painful or tender straight for a few days? 3. I know that people vary, but usually do people that get swollen nodes because of hiv get it all over or can one or two nodes pop up due to hiv infection (what is most common)? I have no fever/ headaches;I have a light case of indigestion and diare. I also have two, small white bumps on my tongue and sometimes a small pain comes behind my ears,but I can't feel any nodes there. I know that I need to wait 12 weeks to get tested. Please respond! I cried while writing this letter and the only friend I feel like I can talk to about this is God and I don't feel like living anymore. I am not going to commit suicide I have just lost my ambition in life. Please let me know I have at least one friend that can talk to me. A donation is on the way.

I thank God upon ever rememberence of you, always in every prayer and thought with the greatest of joy. Philippians 1:3

Response from Dr. Frascino


I'm delighted you no longer hate gays and lesbians and feel that we should be kicked out of the country. Attitudes like that killed Matthew Shepard.

I should also point out that being gay is not a "lifestyle" choice. It's a sexual orientation. What would it take for you to change your sexual orientation so that you only had desires for and sex with other men??? That just couldn't happen, right? That's because your sexual orientation is heterosexual, and not because you chose a lifestyle!

Now on to your question. So she was 45 and you are 21? Hmmm . . . how very Mrs. Robinson and Ben circa The Graduate (1967). The lymphadenopathy (swollen lymph glands) associated with HIV is generalized, not limited to one or several areas, and it is not painful. Consequently, your symptoms are not suggestive of HIV ARS. You are correct that oral sex carries an extremely low risk for HIV transmission. If you feel you've placed yourself at risk due to the "open sore," you should get HIV tested at the three-month mark. From everything you've told me, your risk of HIV remains extremely minimal at best.

Why don't you have any friends you can talk to? Your loss of ambition, anxiety and the tone of your question indicate you are quite depressed. I strongly advise you to seek professional counseling. It should help you cope with your irrational HIV fears, anxiety, guilt and depression.

Thank you for your donation. I'm quite confident the higher powers have forgiven you, but they would also like you to take as many people as you possibly can from your "part of the country" who "do not accept homosexuality" to see the movie, "Brokeback Mountain." OK?

Instead of Philippians 1:3, I prefer Streisand: "People who need people are the luckiest people in the world . . . . Lovers are very special people. They're the luckiest people in the world . . . ."

Good luck. Stay well.

Dr. Bob

really worried
go get tested, do it, do it now, just do it, ....

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