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I Thought About You In Bed With My Woman, Dr. Bob

Dec 11, 2005

Dear Dr. Bob:

This is both a question and a thank you.

Two months ago, I met an incredible woman. To put it bluntly, she's the woman of my dreams. We have not been intimate yet, but two week ago we were fooling around and things got hot and heavy. She told me that she did not believe in condoms, and that I should trust her. Even though I was tempte to have unprotected sex with her, I thought about you while in bed. Let me explain. I thought about all the postings that you answer, and I remember all the people who wrote to you in anguish. I thought about so many people who have HIV and AIDS, and I decided that I would follow you advice in the Forum: that ONLY I am responsible for my sexual health. So, thank you.

The question I have is: considering how sensitve this woman is about condoms, "how" is the best way (i.e., senstive way) to ask her to get tested, and let her know that this is not an issue of distrust for me, but one of my health?

We love you, Doc!


Response from Dr. Frascino

Hey Tony,

"I Thought about You in Bed with My Woman, Dr. Bob!?!?" You can probably imagine the title of your question had me worried for a minute. I was relieved to read the details of your thoughts!

Regarding your dream woman who does not "believe" in condoms, I would suggest a very direct, but caring, approach. HIV/AIDS prevention via safer sex techniques is not a "trust" issue, but rather scientific fact.

Fact: More than 25% of the over 1,000,000 Americans who are HIV positive have absolutely no idea they are HIV infected.

Fact: Latex condoms, when used properly, are remarkably effective in decreasing the risk of HIV and many other STDs.

Fact: Condoms may be inconvenient, but not nearly as inconvenient as having AIDS.

Fact: She may decide she doesn't "believe" in condoms and decide not to use them. However, your decision can be that you do believe in condoms and don't have sex without them.

Finally, advise her that you are going in for your routine periodic HIV-screening test and invite her to come along. Make it convenient for her schedule.

If this dream woman does not accept your decision to protect your health, you should consider the fact that your dream woman might really be a nightmare in the making.

Good luck. Remember you are being perfectly reasonable. Also, I'm flattered you thought of me in bed!

Stay well, Tony. Please do stay well!

Dr. Bob

I know oral sex risk is low, but...
HIV and BED bugs/discordant couple

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