Took my BF to see the HIV specialist - a few questions for you Doc
Nov 6, 2005
How are you doing? You sure are the world traveler - and one great brother! God bless you both.
My BF of a a few months recently found out he is HIV positive. He tested negative in January of this year, and recently tested positive a few weeks ago. I had my HIv test in June, and it was negative. As the top in the relationship, I have always worn condoms, never a breakage, never a tear. I have never had unprotected anal sex in my life. The only thing that concerns me is I have performed orally on him (he is not a precumer at all) but has never ejaculated in my mouth. Infact, no one ever has. I guess you can call me safety boy! By the way, I am sticking by him, good guy - and they don't come around that often. I asked his ID specialist about what we did sexually (oral, protected anal, rimming) and he said get a test but only for my piece of mind - my risk was so very low and that my risk would be "minimal at best." Secondly, he said we should continue doing what we are doing sexually - protected anal, oral without a rubber (but no ejaculation and no oral if cuts in mouth). I was wondering what you think. That is, my past risk and the oral risk in the future. As I told my BF, our life will not change because of this, it will just be full of a few small barriers (life bumps and condoms)! I do not want to change the intimacy we have, but I also do not want to risk infection. What is your overall opinion. we don't know his VL or counts yet. I found a great guy doc and don't want to let this bastard of a disease change my love for him.
Thanks for everything you do, happy travels, be good (and please be very bad). And I hope you and Steve has some fun on/in the sand!
In Love, but a little worried.
Response from Dr. Frascino
Hello "Safety Boy," (You told me I could call you that!)
Sorry to hear about your boyfriend's recent positive test. However, I am pleased you have consistently stuck to your boundaries regarding risk behaviors. As I have frequently stated in this forum, we must all consider the possibility that our sexual partners could be HIV positive and take whatever measures appropriate to avoid infection (or reinfection). It's also worth repeating that at least 25% of the over 1,000,000 Americans who are HIV positive have absolutely no idea they are HIV infected.
So now you are part of a magnetic couple one negative and one positive. Idealistically speaking, that should not change your sexual behavior, because, as I said above, we must assume all of our sexual partners could be HIV positive. However, now that it's a reality for both you and your boyfriend, you need to create a safer-sex ritual that you both agree to. Communication is key. HIV+s feel better when HIV-s share the worry of possible infection. Discuss what each of you feels is safe and unsafe, based on you individual comfort levels and the medical facts. You can review safer-sex methods and the risks associated with specific sexual practices by visiting: http://hivinsite.ucsf.edu/InSite?page=kb-07-02-02.
Regarding your specific risk, protected anal sex is protected if the latex condom is used properly and doesn't fail. The risk for unprotected oral without ejaculation and without oral cuts or lesions is very low, but we cannot categorically state completely nonexistent. You should also remember that if you have an unavoidable or accidental significant exposure to HIV, PEP (post-exposure prophylaxis) is available.
I sincerely hope that you and Mr. "Great Guy" can find as much passion and contentment in your magnetic coupling as Steve (the expert in The Body's Tratamientos Forum) and I have found over the past 12 years in ours! Remember, opposites attract!
Good luck to you both.
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