Archived many stories, nothing as NIGHTMARISH as this!
Oct 21, 2005
Hello Dr. Bob, Like many others, I commend and admire you for your work as you have educated and helped me immensely. One day i plan on helping those similarily in need, whether i'm infected or not. I'm a 3rd yr law student and about to enter the most stressful time of my life, bar prep, and here is the horrible story that is causing me anxiety and ruining my life. Here is my high risk exposure. Around 6 yrs ago, when i was about 20, i solicited the services of a probable smack whore who gave me oral sex in my car. While she was putting a condum on, I felt either a prick/scratch or something on my urethra, in the area just below the hole at the tip of my "main vain". her head was bent over my lap, and this obstructed my view of what was going on down there. Young, stupid, trusting, and scared of being caught, as i was, i subconsciously told myself that it was a just a nail or something instead of confronting her right then, and we proceeded. After, i did not see the condom and do not know if there was any blood in it. I believe she injected me with HIV tainted blood, very briskly, and while i was rock hard, before giving me oral. I did not get PEP or consult a physician about this.
Immediately when I got home, about 30 mins later, i checked my penis to see if there was any puncture wounds or blood, and i did not see any, although the area was slightly red, and my penis had contracted by then, leading me to believe that the puncture wound would have quickly healed/covered up. No pain in urinating followed, but would it normaly? Would a puncture wound from a needle leave a bruise or scar, or would i even feel the pain of the needle going into the hard penis? Since this day i have always lived with it hanging over my head (no pun intented).
In and around the same time, and i'm not sure, but i do believe it was after the incident, i started to get a weird condition on my hands. What appeared to be an repetative allergic reaction on my hands, where there was be itching and non raised rash in my hands, which would swell up. after, the skin on my hands would peel away, like a snake shedding dead skin, but this skind isn't so thin/light. the skin coming off was quick thick and sometimes left my hands quite raw. I saw a doctor about this, who told me to get a blood test done, but i didn't b/c i was, and am, SCARED.
Since then, i have had this hand problem break out 2-3 times per year, along with a rash on my stomach and around the sides.
My anxiety about this incident has doubled in recent months b/c the symptons have appeared to be getting worse. Here they are:
The allergetic reaction and peeling of skin, for the first time, spread to my feet last april, and ever crept from only the palms of my hands, to around my finger nails but stopped there.
I've had three soare throats this year, and have seen white patches on my tonsils at least once. At one point my tongue was completely folicle-less. it was flat/smooth, and simply red. that lasted for about a week and sine then has been with what looks like the normal amount white stuff on it. I've had a deep dry cough as well, although this might (i hope)be due to smoking.
my rash has gotten far worse recently as well, showing up on my arms, especially on the inside of my elbows. the rash looks like HPV, i believe, since some of them have little puss filled white/yellow points on them that i can squeeze, but not much comes out, just a very little bit of the fluid. these rashes come and go, and are sometimes very bad in number, all over my stomanch, arms, and sides.
further, little white spot in the corners of my mouth, filled with what i believe is the same substance as some of the rash, have been there for about three months. they won't leave, or pop, or scab over as i've read they should.
also, i've noticed dozens of what looks to be warts, a handful of which are 2-3 mm's big, but most are very little, on the top of my hands, and in b/w my fingers. I also see some on my elbow, knee, on the inside of my bi ceps, up to my arm pits, and i think shoulders. but i do have dozens of little ones, and fear that they're growing in number. i first noticed these 5 months ago and have had some before, just not so many!
I've been tired/fatigued, off and on for the past while, although i am a heavy sleeper, and i think the anxiety, isolation, and fear is causing me to have the shakes/tremors, all the time. i do play sports often and seem to have lost some ability to play as long, but have not lost any weight.
I've felt my lymph nodes under my arms, and i believe in my neck, be swollen or tender. I can also feel the pulse of them, beating, in my whole neck and upper chest area. this comes and goes. is it normal to actually see your whole neck throbbing with your heart beat?
i've also noticed some hair folicles growing up out of my skin. these are on my neck and in my armpits, but is something that runs in the family, but perhaps i'm getting more in numbers. Is this consistent with HIV+ symptoms?
next, i recently developed a stye in my eye lid, have had a lot of itchy eyes, and these bumps, or hair folicles, or warts, are growing around my eyes. i've always had one or two of them, but now many seem to be developing, and they often itch. this past weekend when i was vomiting hard, from alcohol i believe, the next day i noticed that i had burst blood vessels in both of my eyes. this is visible to all in one eye, and i can see the other one when i pull down the eyelid and look down into my eyeball. I'm freaking out here, I really am.
I really do believe I have HIV, although your site has helped me understand that symptons do no equal HIV, and that HIV is not as bad as most think (you can sitll have babies, etc).
Please Dr. i'm a great guy and fear that my life is about to be turned upside down. dreams crushed, careers, relationship, family, etc. our family is currently dealing with cancer in my mother, so i don't want to surface my problem, but i'm going crazy here with depression, etc.
I've read lots of forums on this site, and i've seen many ill informed questions, illegitimate worriers, and people who could've found comfort by researching this topic online. I am NOT one of them! i'm sorry this is so long, but PLEASE answer me Doc. I'm really hoping for a WOO-HOO! and i hope that my mind is playing tricks on my body, but i'm scarred that this is not the case. i've developed too many symptoms, such as the warts, that are indicative of HIV, and i don't know what to do. i feel all alone and before fiding this site, contemplated getting tested and committing suicide upon receipt of a + result.
I know you will tell me to get a test done, as i probably should, but I need to know what to expect from the results, if i do decide to go, and not to simply live in ignorance (not facing my fears) until it kills me. tell me, are these symptoms possible or common among HIV + people? please be symptom specific if you can. and do you honestly think that if all the IF's in my story are true, there is a high probability i have HIV? in fact, i'm surprised there isn't more cases like this around, since i'm sure there are many disgruntled and diseased people out there who have been infected, abused, stomped on by society, and seek revenge by spreading the disease to healthy people. or do we just not hear about these cases?
I appreciate you're consideration, and a donation will be made by me.
Alone and frightened.
Response from Dr. Frascino
Hello Alone and Frightened,
You've been worried about this for six years??? And you expect to become a good lawyer??? Hmmm . . . . Don't lawyers need to at least have some common sense? Ohhh . . . um . . . considering Harriet Miers's recent poor performance, perhaps not. OK, on to your questions about your NIGHTMARISH situation . . . .
1. Are your symptoms consistent with HIV? No.
2. Is there a high probability of your having HIV? No.
Actually, I think you identified your real problem when you wrote, ". . . I'm going crazy here with depression etc. . . . ." That's your problem; not HIV. And that's the problem you need help with.
You are wondering if you would "even feel the pain of the needle going into the hard penis." Hmmm . . . . Would you like to try a little experiment? OUCHAMAGOUCHA!
Bottom line is that your HIV risk is minimal unprotected oral sex with a smack whore skank. I do not believe she injected you with HIV-tainted blood while nibbling your knob.
1. If you're worried, get tested. It really is just that simple.
2. If you have skin problems (most likely dishydrotic eczema and angular cheilitis from what you've mentioned), see a dermatologist.
3. Stop smoking. It will kill you.
4. Stop drinking to the point you are vomiting hard enough to burst blood vessels in your eyes.
5. Get treatment for chronic depression and anxiety. That you have contemplated suicide if your HIV test results were positive is a reflection of how severe your psychological problems really are. I would suggest you consult a psychiatrist without delay.
As it turns out, the Bar prep is not your biggest challenge for the coming year. Dealing with irrational fear, chronic anxiety and deep-rooted depression are.
Good luck! Get the help you need now or you'll never be able to help others in the future. It's time you realized nightmares are only exaggerated dreams that aren't real. Isn't it time you woke up from yours?
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