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desire to have unprotected sex

Oct 19, 2005

hello Doc, this is very crazy story and I need some good advice. I used to have unprotected sex with a neighbor. I was the btm and he was the first I ever allowed to ejaculate inside me. The first time the unprotected sex was unplanned but after that I enjoyed it so much with him it was always unprotected thereafter. We had a lot of encounters. He was only a top as far as I knew and at that time relatively new to the gay scene and I assumed cautious. He moved to Paris and from time to time I would see him when passing thru and I always allowed him to bareback me to ejaculation. One time we went to a sex club and I observed him BB another guy. I was shocked! why, I don't know. That didn't stop me from letting him BB me again. Well, it has been about 1 year since my last encounter with him and I recently took an hiv test (last week) and it's neg. The problem is that I plan on traveling thru Paris and have contacted him to arrange a rdv. I fantasize about BB with this guy. I don't know his status and after a few years in Paris I know he has gone buckwild (as I would if I lived there). So my problem is this, after all the anxiety I have prior to hiv testing and waiting for the results and for whatever reason, to date, to have dodged the bullet, why would I want to BB with this guy?. I'm also embarrased to ask him to use a condome when we have not used one in soo long. How do I asked if he's been tested recently without offending him and what if he lies? Doc, I just wish someone could slap me around so I don't do something foolish. I am about 95% into fellation and frequently swallow sperme and I remain Neg! I'm not trying to get infected and I hardly ever have anal and never BB except with this guy. Help please I feel I'm commiting suicide here!

Response from Dr. Frascino


Actually your story is not so crazy. Looking back and fully realizing some of the lapses in judgment we all have made (yes, even yours truly) over the years, sometimes I wonder how any of us have survived this long. However, that was then and this is now. In your case, for instance, you have experienced the anxiety related to waiting for HIV test results and the relief of knowing you have dodged the bullet. Why do you want to BB again with Mr. Paris? Perhaps because it was hot? Perhaps because you got away with it so far? There are many potential reasons. Fantasizing about your Top Gun is not dangerous; however, acting out those fantasies can be. And you are now painfully aware of that. Consequently, even if you want to BB with him again, it wouldn't be the same. There is now a little voice in your mind that would keep reminding you that momentary guilty pleasure just isn't worth the risk. So now, even if you and your beau mec bien monté find yourselves at Paris's steamy Le Dépot, I'm quite confident you'll reach for one of the easily accessible condom dispensers before saying, "Oui, Monsieur."

How do you ask if he's been tested recently without offending him? That's easy. Just volunteer the information that you are negative and plan to stay that way while handing your stud a "préservatif" (condom). "Offending him" is really not an issue. I visit Paris frequently (as it turns out, I'm in Paris at this very moment) and have been very impressed by their HIV/AIDS safer-sex awareness and education campaigns. They've done a much better job than the U.S. in promoting safer sexual practices, even at such notorious hot spots as Cleopatra; a heterosexual sex club catering to "l'échangisme" (swinging); Sun City sauna (a new gay hot spot), and even l'Impact, a bar where you must check all your clothes before entering (oh la la!).

Bottom line: you can still have an excellent time in Paris while keeping both you and your bottom safe and sound.

Alors, amuse-toi bien mais reste prudent même si tu ne restes pas un prude!

Bonnes vacances !

Dr. Bob

Safe Sex question
White tongue, thrush. HIV?

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