saving a sero discordant relationship
Aug 29, 2005
I have been positive for 1 1/2 years. I have been with my partner for 2 years and he is still negative. We both feel that I probably acquired HIV while we were "playing" together at a bath house which was his idea to go to and I agreed. Now, after a year and a half of being HIV positive but very healthy he suddenly seems to have issues with the HIV and is dealing with his own mortality (having recently lost his father to cancer and brother to HIV). We have stopped having all sex as he tries to come to terms with this eventhough we always practiced safe sex. Are there any resources or information on couples where one is positive and the other is negative, how they handle it , etc... WE are trying couples therapy next week but I want to find out all my options because I love this man with all my heart. PLEASE...help. Thank you.
Response from Dr. Frascino
Well, one source of information would be right here. Check out the archives related to magnetic (serodiscordant) couples. As you may or may not know, I, too, am involved in such a relationship. Steve (Dr. Steve, the expert in The Body's Tratamientos forum) is HIV negative; I am "virally enhanced." Our relationship is thriving on honesty, integrity, communication, passion, love and, of course, toe-curling, mind-blowing sex. Communication is the real key. I strongly agree with your decision to explore couples' counseling. I also agree with your observation that your partner's loss of his father to cancer and his brother to HIV are probably playing a significant role. Give him time, understanding and love, while encouraging open communication of his fears and loss. Encourage him to review the information in this forum and let him know Steve and I are here if he has questions or concerns.
Good luck to you both.
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