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Aug 23, 2005

Dear Dr Bob: I am a healthy poz guy (7 years, undetectable, 1000+tcells) who has, in recent months, dated several neg guys. Each time I disclose I encourage them to speak with their doctors to get REAL information about what is safe and what is not. What frustrates me is that there seems to be no one (except for you in some of your responses) that gives current statistical data regarding the risk of transmission during certain sexual acts. One of your co-experts even stated in another forum that this information would be irrelevant to most people. Call me crazy, but if I were a neg guy and I were considering dating a positive guy I WOULD want to know that my chances of contracting hiv through oral sex (without ejaculation) were the same as dying in a plane crash! This information would help to inform my choices and put things into perspective especially if I were a person who traveled via airplane. "Experts" seem to be so terrified of calling anything safe. Shouldn't it be stated that "safe" is a relative term and that if we started analyzing all human behavior in terms of its safety (i.e crossing the street, flying, driving, leaving one's home) that very little would be labeled "safe"? I guess the point is that I wish there were an online forum that cut through the crap and gave my potential mates solid information that they could use to make adult, informed decisions without being terrified by the NOTHING IS SAFE message that most are delivering in forums such as this.

Sorry to go on but I just read part of the CDC's website which stated that oral sex with a man USING A CONDOM is still labeled as "safer, and not without risk". UUUGGGGHHH! It's hard to tell my mates that I am not toxic when the rest of the world seems to be telling them that I should only be approached in a haz-mat suit!

In closing, please post any and all statistical information regarding occurances of HIV transmission via specific sexual practices, that you might have. I think for those of us who are concerned with REAL risk it would be extremely helpful.

Thanks for your great work.

Signed, Frustrated in Mass:)

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello Frustrated in Mass.,

An expert stated safer sex information "would be irrelevant to most people?" What??? Perhaps to sex-phobic rightwing wingnuts, but certainly they are not most people, even those scary square Red States in the middle of the country.

Regarding risk associated with specific sexual practices and efficacy of methods to prevent sexual transmission of HIV, I suggest you refer your mates to the HIV InSite Knowledge Base Chapter that can be found at That document is straight forward and referenced with the scientific publications that support the information provided. You are quite correct many physicians are quite uncomfortable explaining the relative nature of "safe" and "safer." Another place you can send your mates is right here! Steve (Dr. Steve, the expert in The Body's Tratamientos Forum) and I are a magnetic couple that has personally lived this reality for over a decade. We've "walked the walk," not just "talked the talk," so to speak.

Finally, Hazmat suits can be kinky fun, but only if you get to peel them off each other while having a fusion-sex-in-space fantasy session.

Stay well.

Dr. Bob

1 in 10,000 from Pakistan.
More symptoms in Singapore

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