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The Big Easy (please answer! I'm creative & fun!)
Jul 10, 2005

Hello! This is really ridiculous, but I have to ask (again...I asked a few months ago, I'm sure you'll recall when you read this). For spring break, I went to New Orleans with some friends. Of course, I got exremely drunk at a blues bar and ended up making out with the singer. He whipped out Mr. Happy and asked for oral copulaion, and I said no, but in my boozy state of mind, I compromised and said I'd "give it a peck." So I pecked him on the peenie head. As I said, I'd had a few, so I don't remember if there was any pre-ejaculate or anything...or if I had any gaping wounds on my lips or what have you. Regardless, I am sort of unsettled. This worry comes and goes (and it only seems to "come" when my life is settling down and I have nothing else to worry about...I know where this is going; I'm a counselor...). Agh! Can you please tell me if there's any likelihood that I contracted HIV from kissing this random guy's penis? I'd really rather not spend the time and debilitating emotional exertion getting another test (yes, I've freaked about it before), but if I need to, I will. Thanks! I hope you were able to follow this. It's almost 2 am and I'm talking too much. Nighty night, you fab fear-soother!

~Dorky in DeKalb (IL)

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hi,

A singer in boozy blues bar in New Orleans asked for "oral copulation????" Hmmm . . . he sounds very polite and quite literate, considering the circumstances and surroundings. I would have guessed he would have said something like "hey, suck my dick, man" or just grabbed you by the ears and guided your head directly to his home entertainment center. But OK, we'll go with the "peck on the peenie" story. HIV risk? I'd say essentially none. But I have no idea how aggressively you pecked that pepper, considering you were a bit pickled at the time. Hmmm . . . picked, peck, pickled peppers . . . . Do I feel a tongue twister coming on??? I guess it would work better if your name were Chuck instead of Dorky, because then I could say something about how much wood could a woodchuck chuck. But then again, that doesn't quite fit either, now does it? Oh, never mind . . . .

Dorky, I suggest you relax. If you can't get this essential non-risk episode out of your mind, then get tested at three months after the peenie peck. If you've already done that, then as Tony Soprano says, "Fuhgeddaboutit!" If you can't do that, then, counselor, you need a counselor.

Nighty night!

Dr. Bob



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