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You gave me the strength to NOT test!

Jun 16, 2005

Dr. Robert (I love the Beatles too). I am a 50+ year old married, white hetero male, a recovering sex addict, who also has OCD (which means I have to wash my hands X number of times, during sex, with someone I don't know very well. It also leads me to this site everyday! About ten years ago I got some major counseling, got my addiction under control, and also got HIV tested. It came back HIV-! WHO HOOO! I felt great. However right after that I had a slight & short lived relaspe, and engaged in some oral (I was the insertive partner), twice with an older man (my first gay experience in 40+ years), and a couple of women that I knew. Then the panic started. I came to this site, and Rick Sandowski said that if one was only the insertive partner in oral, you're only exposed to saliva, then testing was not necessary. Years go by, I'm still on the site everyday, Ryan says the same thing. CDC, HIV Insite and "Ask Alice" also say TESTING NOT NECESSARY. Then you come along and I think that you are incredible. You're funny and informative, and extremely knowledgible. I am greatful to you and your site, but I am seeing a change (tell me the Republicans aren't getting to you too!)in what you are telling us WC's (worried crazies). Now instead of testing not necessary if you are only coming in contact with saliva, it's ".....if you've placed yourself at risk, get tested"! Now I'm more terrified than ever! We even have a "risk factor" for insertive oral sex now, .5 per 10,000. Does this mean that out of every 20,000 insertive blow jobs someone get HIV? It's been 9 years, and I'm scared that I've infected my wife, and family. By the way, does Peroxide kill or inactivate the HIV virus? I was splashing some on a scrape I had, that had stopped bleeding, and some got on my sons paper cut (also not bleeding). I have been in a panic state about that also for the past 9 years!!!!! I'm now back in therapy and my therapist (the rapist?), tells me I'm fine, but I need to test just to put it to rest. I"M FREAKIN" TERRIFIED? Sorry this is so long, I just don't know what to do. Is insertive oral still considered safer sex, or have the odds changed. Thanks and God bless you, you're a great human being. I'm Craizer by the minute!!!!!

Response from Dr. Frascino


You're "craizer by the minute?" Hmmm . . . what's "craizer???"

You "wash your hands X number of times during sex . . . ???" Isn't that the least bit inconvenient and difficult to explain? Instead of screaming in ecstasy "OH GOD, OH GOD, OH GOD, I'M CUMMING," you yell "OH GOD, OH GOD, OH GOD, I'M GOING -- TO WASH MY HANDS!!!???"

The advice regarding insertive oral sex basically has not changed. The HIV risk continues to be very low. Some folks consider the risk so low that testing is not required, unless there are extenuating circumstances. My personal position has not changed.

You mention that despite your major counseling and negative HIV test 10 years ago, you continue to visit this site "every day" and are "more terrified than ever." I totally concur with your "rapist." The reason for you to consider testing is primarily to put your unwarranted fears to rest. Being a "freakin' terrified . . . WC (worried crazy)" is a miserable way to spend nearly a decade. As Streisand and Summers put it, "enough is enough is enough is enough is Enough!"

Regarding your son's paper cut, your scrape and the peroxide splash nine years ago, relax, there is no HIV transmission risk.

As for Republicans getting to me, no, not at all, but listening to them foment and screech about guns, God and gays, I really do think they are becoming "craizer by the minute" as well.

Good luck.

Dr. Bob

To go or not to Go
Major Bob:Oraquick Tests vs. Normal Blood Elisas

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