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Better than the UPS man....but still the same worry!
Jun 12, 2005

Hey Dr. Bob,

Needless to say, I have a fear of HIV that has been with me since my senior year of college (a year ago) My main concern is with oral sex and the fear of it being spread that way.

A couple of days ago I gave oral sex to a male co-worker teacher who is a teacher. Before this we were fooling around and he asked me if I wanted him to get a condom from his car for intercourse, just in case it got that far (I guess this means he is careful since he carries them around just in case right?)Anywho,we ended up having oral on top of his desk in the classroom which lasted literally 40-50 seconds and as soon as he came, I swallowed right away. My oral health is pretty healthty, regular check-ups and flossing. This guy is also very clean and seems to be a neat freak, with two pre-teen daughters whom he absolutely adores. Since he asked if I wanted a condom (like I said, I think he thought we were going to get freaky in the classroom)do you think I should still worry?

I know from this board, Dr.'s and counselors I really have nothing to worry about, and to just test for peace of mind. I have tried Zoloft to rid my HIV anxiety and nothing works. I am always scared and live my life in fear, from oral and even with just checking to see if I have cuts on my hand. If you can ease my mind a bit, it would be a great help. Thanks!

-Melis

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hi Melis,

Sharing penis popsicles and a high-protein snack of baby batter on top of the teacher's desk with a hot coworker teacher who has two pre-teen daughters and who carries condoms in the car so he'll be ready to get freaky in the classroom??? Yeah, that's pretty hot, but better than the UPS guy? Gosh, I don't know. UPS guys are well known to carry "big packages" and they do have those uniforms. Did the teacher happen to look like George Clooney, Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise? And was he wearing trendy 2xist briefs? If so, you just might win! Please send photos. We'll let our panel of expert judges decide. But I digress. I suppose I should get back to your question.

Should you be worried? Well, it seems like you already are, so that may be a moot question. Oral sex carries a low risk for HIV transmission. Only you can decide if this risk is acceptable to you. You can read about the various estimated HIV-transmission-risk statistics in the archives of this forum. However, these statistics assume your partner is confirmed to be HIV positive. In your case, his status is unknown.

HIV anxiety is relatively common. Just read through the first 10 million or so posts in the archives for confirmation of that point. I'd suggest seeking some counseling to help you cope with feeling "always scared" and "living my life in fear."

Once you understand and accept the true risks involved with various sexual acts and also how to protect yourself to the level you feel is acceptable, I think you'll be more able to enjoy yourself, whether playing the skin flute in Mr. Holland's Opus Band or tending to the UPS guy when he shows up for a special delivery.

Good luck.

Dr. Bob



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