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Dr Bob have I killed the love of my life?
Jun 4, 2005

Dr Bob, sorry for the sensationalist title but sadly this concern is all too real for me. I had a one time indiscretion with a sex worker a number of years ago now - oh how the worry and paranioa persists - which gave me some cause for concern. It was, as I was eventually informed, fairly low risk - insertive oral sex and some masturbation with a condom on. But because this was in an otherwise long term and monogomous relationship I decided to get tested anyway. And thankfully those initial tests - immediately after the episode and then sixteen weeks later - were all negative. But I got sick about five months after this episode and some of those symptoms like a sore mouth, white tongue, and what looks like the vertical striations of OHL, have hung around for almost four years since this episode! I have re tested for Hep at twelve months past this episode and for thrush and OHL as well and apparently all was ok. But still these symptoms persist. The stress of all of this unfortunately led to the end of my previous relationship and now having found someone else - and finally having had the courage to listen to the advice that I was ok and pursue this new relationship - I have become overwhelmed with the fear again that I might be positive and have passed it onto my new partner who very well may be the absolute love of my life! I may have to emmigrate to be with her as well which means applying for a residency visa and doing an hiv test again. And I am just so so so scared. I just want to run away but I don't want to lose what I have in this relationship either. Can I really believe a test at 16 weeks after the afore mentioned episode? There is just so much conflicting information and it's still so hard to talk to people about it. God doc I really don't want to lose this relationship but I'm really starting to let this worry screw me around. What should I do? Do I really need to test again? And if i'm not sick how can these bloody symptoms have hung around for so long? Sorry about the rant but any advice would be incredibly appreciated. I don't think I could live with myself if I had hurt this adorable angel that has come into my life. You are a saint for being here to ask and I hope you get a chance to reply. All my love. x

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello X,

You want to know if you've killed the love of your life????

Hmmm, well, I dunno . . . is your name O. J. Simpson?

Look, X, or O.J. or whomever, you had an essentially no-risk exposure "insertive oral sex and some masturbation with a condom on." You then had two negative HIV tests out to 16 weeks. You've had your "what looks like OHL" checked out and it's not OHL. To paraphrase Johnny Cochran, "If HIV doesn't fit, you must quit," i.e. quit stressing over an illness you could not possibly have.

Do you "need" to test again? No, of course not.

Should you be a stressed mess about having to test again to reunite with your adorable angel? No, of course not!

Get some counseling, if necessary, to overcome these irrational fears, OK?

Good luck.

Dr. Bob



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