Well, I'm officially a mess. It's five weeks into this whole situation (protected blowjob from a prostitute, but I touched my penis head after taking off the condom). Sure, I got your reassurance and an infectious disease specialist who concurs, but I'm still paranoid.

Especially since, even though testing negative 4 times for chlamydia and clap up to four weeks, I still got epidydimitis (sp). So if the cause was chlamydia, I have an increased chance of contracting HIV. Especially since I'm trying to withdraw from the Ativan my doctor put me on three weeks ago; and the anxiety and withdrawal symptoms are similar to seronconversion, which only feeds the paranoia. Add any doxycycline side effects, total lack of sleep, recent alcohol poisoning (also with massive red bull intake). Stir in a dash of massive doses of couterincicative over the counter painkillers to keep my balls painless. Throw in a scoop of symptoms I can't explain like painful saliva glands under my tongue and sore eyes.

Grind up and add the fact that I have to wait seven more weeks for a definitive test + two more for a damn answer, assuming I pass the one I'm going to cave and do at six weeks out.

Dice up some guilt because I slept with my girlfriend the day after (with a condom on). Cook in an oven set to 'my GP refuses to see me anymore'.

Tasty, huh?

Hello,

"Counterincicative?!?!" What the hell is that?

Listen up, Betty Crocker. The only thing you are cooking up is a nutty fruitcake. I agree with your assessment of the situation: ". . . I'm still paranoid." You have received my "reassurance and an infectious disease specialist who concurs." How many ways do we have to say HIV is not your problem? Your epididymitis doesn't change our opinion. OK?

It's time to address your real problems guilt, paranoia and irrational fear of HIV. Stop pestering your G.P. or he may take out a restraining order on you. You need to see a therapist or counselor. Anything else would be "counterincicative!"

Dr. Bob