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Wife and Mother Scared
Feb 5, 2005

In 2004 I had an affair with a married man for approx. 4 months. The entire time sex was unprotected(orally & vaginally), in my foolish mind I assumed that since he was married and had children that he was okay because he wouldn't want to infect his wife with anything. A week ago my daughter cut herself with one of my razors in the shower and all of sudden I became frightened, and yesterday I was tested. I said to myself that I made a huge mistake and now have been trying to play it straight. I have had no unusual symptoms, I am counting down the days, but my nervousness is getting to the point where I can hardly breathe. I am afraid for my daughter, my husband, and myself and our future. I think about my reaction or just everything. I just need a little boost to get through this wait time, I am absolutely frightened because my husband at home is the most awesome person and I can't believe that it is taking something like this to make me realize this. Finally, should I tell my husband about the affair and my recent test? Please help me, I am so confused.

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello,

Yes, unprotected sex (even with a "married with children" guy) does place you at some degree of risk for STDs, including HIV. Consequently, testing is warranted. However, it appears your biggest problem at the moment is guilt and anxiety. The best way to cope with this is to confront your fears, accept the consequences for your actions and be honest. I realize telling your awesome husband about an affair won't be easy, but I do feel honesty within a relationship is essential. We are all human. We all make mistakes. Yes, even me! In fact, you'd probably be amazed at some of mine! However, relationships that confront problems with honesty and integrity are strengthened. Secrecy and guilt often eventually poison a relationship.

I think you probably already know what needs to be done.

Good luck.

Dr. Bob



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