8 Years Well Worried - WOO HOO and Lessons Learned
Jan 20, 2005
This is the second and last time I will be posting to this board. After being told in 1996 by a lover (I slept without protection with)that he had "something" my world went into a tailspin. I was tested (negative) once and never had the nerve to go again, despite the evidence and clues I had found lying around his home of hundreds of sex partners and "How To Live HIV healthy" books. When told by him "I was only kidding to make you do what I wanted" I was amazed that someone would go to such lengths to manipulate someone. The thought that someone would actually use such a serious illness to control a young, twenty-one year old girl is truly sad and dispicable.
This posting is for two reasons:
1. Thank you Dr. Bob for all you do. You are an angel, a God send and your words, knowledge, faith and existence are a gift we will never ever be able to repay the gods of creation for. My heart, my hope and my gratitude will forever be with you.
2. For those of you who are now doing what I sat around for 8 years and did... wake the HELL up and do something about it. Perhaps not now, perhaps not in a week, perhaps not in a month, but as soon as your heart and mind tell you it is time. I finally could not take not knowing anymore. Trust me my friends, the worry alone will kill you. If you don't believe me, go take a look in the mirror at yourself right this moment. For 8 years I sat around thinking I was positive. Every thing that went wrong with my body was sure enough a symptom and I was preparing for the worst. I stopped working toward my goals, stopped caring, gained weight, became an alcoholic, anxiety and depression, put myself in debt with $4000 worth of hospital bills running from hospital to hospital when I had crippling panic attacks. Wouldn't let doctors get near me to examine me, I chain smoked, drank myself to sleep EVERY NIGHT I could and just gave in. Like another poster said "You don't have an explanation as to why you've never made anything of your life..." you live in your parents house, you don't call your friends. You start something, you stop. You feel getting dressed up, making plans with friends or even painting your nails is too much for you. You become a shadow of yourself. The people around you don't know you anymore.. and you begin to not even know yourself.
Well I got my negative test yesterday my friends and WOO HOOED myself until I couldn't WOO HOO anymore. I remember being a beautiful little 21 year old girl, now I'm an overweight 29 year old woman that has to get to know herself all over again. If you feel you may be positive... yes, it sucks, yes it's hard, but if you are... you need to do something about it. Save yourself. If you feel you have the slightest idea you are negative, go and get tested. Save yourself, save your lover, save your wife... etc.
CBC tell you nothing. The symptoms you're waiting or obsessively looking for - don't because not everyone gets symptoms, if you're boyfriend or girlfriend is neg it doesn't mean you are. HIV posters and commercials are NOT stalking you. Use thebody.com as a tool, not a crutch. Only you have the power to change your situation.
I have learned the lesson of faith and determination. I have learned the importance of safe sex and no sex at all. I have learned that knowledge is power. I have learned that I must do all that I can now to inform anyone, everyone that will listen. I have learned to support my friends who are positive. I have learned to give any $ I can spare to finally find a cure. AND WE WILL.
I learned that either negative or positive... you're here on this earth. Live it, cuz you don't get another chance.
Love to all and BE SAFE.
Response from Dr. Frascino
What else can I say except Amen!
WOO-HOO and thanks for sharing your insights!
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