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Please! Answer this closetet guy
Nov 17, 2004

Dear Dr. bob, I would like to thank you for the excellent work you do on behalf of countless worrisome people like me. Your forum has been my personal counselor. I am a closetet gay man. I started to come out to gay scene, just about 10 months ago. Even though I never had anal sex with anyone, but now i think my past behavior has been risky at times. (What can i say, I suppressed my attracton for guys for last 24 yrs). I was way too stupid to use my judgement. Since, HIV scare brought me back to earth and my senses, I hope you answer this and help me to cope with my fear. Please DO. You are probably the only person I can talk to. I feel so close to you as I have been reading your forum like scripture.

Here is the whole list of sexual activities I had during my last 10 months of forbidden fun. I started by going to gay clubs and getting drunk. One night I had unprotected oral sex(receiving) from a guy 3 times in a row( Told you I was horny!!!). Later I asked the guy about his HIV status. He told me that he is clean. I am not sure if i can believe him, because blowing me without any protection was kinda risky behavior from his part too and I am sure I was not his first as he was mine. I also saw him with different guys later on. Lets say that he is positive. What are the chances on this incident that i may be infected by multiple unprotected oral from this guy? At this time as I already stopped using my judgement, this didn't stop me. I kept on going to clubs, but never did any oral or anal. But all this time, I kissed 10 guys(only the good looking ones though!!I was kinda selective!!hehe). I also had mitual masterbation with 3 guys. On few occation, while kissing, I had cuts, chopped lips and sore tounge. I also shaved everytime i went out and at times I had little cuts right under my nose. Can HIV pass though those cuts while kissing since othe person definitely will be in contact? Now that I look back last 10 months, it is clear that my behavior was not acceptable. Then again how else can someone live a gay life? How can you tell what is safe and what is not? Cause' the virus does come with a color nor a smell. How do someone keep himself out of it? Now' you might think why am i worried about HIV? Yes, like thousand other guys before me, I too had symptoms. After the first and last unprotected oral, I had some rash on my legs. They were very itchy and pinkinsh in color. It went away after around 10 days.I didn't have any fever or sore throught. But had sore tounge and I also started to see white layer on my tounge. Recently I have been tired and dizzy all the time, and started to feel pain on the joints, specially on my knee,toe,fingers, arms etc. I also started to have heartburn and little difficulty swallowing because of it. The way I am feeling, I am kinda sure that I cotracted the virus. I know that whatever you do in your life comes with consequences. And mine is the hard one. I know that you will ask me to get testd.I am so scared to go and get tested.

Please!! Answer this mail. I really really respect your opinion. I am saving enough to donate, even though you made it clear its not a requirement. Please!! help me understand my risk. You are the only one knows about this now.

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello Closet-Guy,

Three times in a row??? Yes, you are a horned-up horndog, now aren't you? Of course after 24 years of abstinence, even with three times per night, every night, you'll probably have to live to be 128 to catch up with the rest of us. From reading this forum "like scripture," you probably already know the risk of HIV transmission from oral sex is low at best. There is no risk from mutual (or "mitual") masturbation, and likewise, no risk from the cuts under your nose. As for what's safe and not safe, just read through the archives and related links. That should answer all your questions.

Your symptoms are not consistent with HIV or ARS. I do not think you contracted (or "cotracted") the virus. Yes, I will indeed tell you to go and get tested if you feel you've placed yourself at risk. I see no reason for you to be scared.

I hope you'll expand your circle of friends and confidants so that I'm not the "only" person you can talk to. I should also point out this kind of fun really is not "forbidden" anymore. Closets are health hazards. Come out. Come out.

Dr. Bob



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