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We never knew but now we know
Nov 3, 2004

I'm a Female that is HIV+ since March 04 me and my husband never knew it all these years. We have been together since 1994, we used condoms in the beginging of dating but as time went on we just stopped for good. We both have 2 kids together and a life together but it has been very hard on both of us when I found out that I was HIV+ after all these years!! Now the funny thing about this is that he got Tested and he's NEG-!!!! Now that freaks me the hell out crazy, now since March we have been using Condoms being safe, then all of a sudden he takes the Condom off sometimes and after sex he trys to hide the fact that he has done that. We use a substance Jell that Researchers say with proof that during sex if fights off the infection totally and can't Transmit at all. So the question I have is is there a chance that he will get infected at all? even though all them years together and not knowing there was something wrong with me he is Neg but now we know and he's doing what he's doing now?

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello,

I'm sorry to hear about your recent diagnosis. Yes, now you know, you both know. And now you both must deal realistically with your new reality of being HIV positive.

First, I must dismiss the myths. Although researchers continue to work on developing effective antimicrobicides to prevent HIV transmission, so far none of them has been protective, including "Jell" or other products promoted by scientifically unsubstantiated claims. Do not believe them.

Next, despite the fact you are HIV positive and may have been positive for quite some period of time, and the fact you have been having unprotected sex with your husband, he could indeed still be HIV negative. Estimated risk for HIV transmission per episode of unprotected insertive vaginal sex with a partner confirmed to be HIV positive is .03% to .09%. Statistically, each episode of unprotected sex carries exactly the same degree of potential risk. Therefore, your husband could indeed still be negative, lucky indeed, but still negative. What is crucial for you and him to understand is that despite the claims of "Jell" and the fact he has been so lucky in the past, each time he has unprotected sex with you, he is placing himself at significant risk. It's the equivalent of sexual Russian roulette. I, too, am HIV positive and I cannot even conceive of placing my HIV-negative lover at risk by not taking the appropriate preventative precautions. For me, it would be unconscionable.

And so once again, now you know! Even if you never knew before, now you absolutely do know. Make sure your husband reads and knows this as well. You should also discuss it together with your HIV specialist at the time of your next visit. Good luck to both of you!

Dr. Bob



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