hey dr. bob

i have a problem. i've found out i'm hiv positive and i am struggling with whether or not to tell my wife how i was truly infected. i have been with many men in my life, but nobody except you and i know that fact. my wife is asking me how i could have been infected. i tell her i was probably exposed to someone's virus when i was at the gym. i told her that some guy had a really bad nose bleed and it dripped all over the barbell, and that i used it right after him, and that i had an open wound on my palm, etc. she believes me. but i just feel like the truth needs to come out. i feel uneasy about getting away with this so easily. is this feeling right? do i need to tell her the truth?

Hello,

I would always advise telling the truth, even when it's difficult and painful, such as in your situation. You are dealing with HIV and all of its challenges, and yet the issue that you are struggling with is guilt about not having told the truth. You feel "uneasy about getting away with" a lie and feel "the truth needs to come out." I agree. The best way to cope with guilt is to admit your faults, confront them, accept the consequences and learn from the experience. You clearly know the right thing to do, and I would encourage you to do so. The best way to be able to focus on your health is to extinguish your guilt.

Honesty is never the wrong choice.

Good luck!

Dr. Bob