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HEY DR. BOB! YOU ARE THE ONLYON WHO SEEMS TO CARE AND UNDERSTAND
Sep 4, 2004

Hi Dr. Bob!

I am so glad and thankful that you stay basically well, keep your sense of humor, and continue to help and support us all. You always answer SO MANY questions and with such a wonderful mix of compassion and humor. When I ask others how we, a magnetic couple since 1988 and a life time couple since 1972, can cheer up, stay positive, and help others and each other, all say go into counseling, etc. We do that. How do you and Dr. Steve do it. I intend to stay with the love of my life, but sometimes wwe drag each other down. It is so difficult. Plus, he really does not have the hots for me anymore, and it is so hard NOT to direct my energy elsewhere. HELP! BLESS YOU!

DAVID D.

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hi David,

How do Steve and I do it? Well, let's see, we have all sorts of favorite positions, and on special occasions, we . . . . Oh sorry, you mean how do we stay so content! Well first of all, we have all sorts of favorite positions . . . . OK, kidding aside, I really feel communication is the key to any successful relationship. Certainly my being "virally enhanced" and Steve being thankfully "virally deficient" present challenges that most couples never have to even consider, which I'm sure comes as no surprise to you and your partner. David, check out the archives of this forum. I've written about magnetic couples (serodiscordant couples) on numerous occasions. Hopefully some of the information you find there will be of benefit.

Counseling can indeed by extremely helpful. You must accept each other as different. Honesty is key. As for your lover not having the hots for you anymore, there are many possible things to consider. Maybe consciously or subconsciously he's worried about infecting you. HIV can make even a sex god feel his touch is toxic. Perhaps he's depressed or has hypogonadism (low testosterone). Talk to your partner, David really, really talk to him.

Friends that know Steve and me frequently comment that they are amazed at what a great time Steve and I have just being together. We make each other laugh constantly, but we are also not afraid to cry together. For us, life together is not difficult; in fact, we find just the opposite to be true. The "wonderful mix of compassion and humor" that you've noticed in our responses is a mere reflection of our lives together. And for that, I am eternally grateful.

David, I believe life, love (and often sex) are unscheduled events. Seeing the "positive" side of all these events merely requires using both your mind and heart.

Good luck.

Dr. Bob



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